Infidelity, Fear and Thanksgiving

November 27, 2008 by 15 Comments

It’s Thanksgiving time in the USA.

Time to eat, be with family, eat, be with family and give thanks.

Maybe this is a sad time for you.

Maybe it’s a confusing time for you.

It’s probably a painful time for you.

And, where does the pain come from?

Most of the time, it’s my experience in working with thousands over the past two plus decades, that fear resides under your pain.

You are afraid of losing; of losing your family, losing your home, losing your spouse, losing your pride, losing your dignity, losing your respect, losing what you have worked so hard for, losing your dreams, losing your hopes, losing your health, losing sleep, losing your job, losing to another person….

The list could go on. You perhaps can fill in more of the blanks.

And, if you’ve been through infidelity you know that the list of fears is long… very long. It seems as if EVERYTHING is at stake with infidelity. You feel like you stand on the edge of losing it all.

How do you get through this? How do others get through this? (And yes, they do… all the time. They emerge on the other side better, brighter, richer, more peaceful, more confident, more able to handle life.)

How are you able to use the mantra “This too Shall Pass” so that it sticks in your soul and gives hope?

What gets you there? Where do you start?

Can you give thanks on this day?

Please know this: Underneath all the fears, all the pain, all the confusion all the garbage you wade through at this moment is YOU.

Yes, YOU are there. YOU, with your beauty, (although you may not think it.) YOU with your strength (some days you wonder.) You with your power to love and give (maybe not feeling like that now.) YOU with your capacity to dream (although is seems the dream fades.) YOU with your warmth to touch others (although you may not feel like touching.)

Yes, there is YOU. And no one can EVER take that YOU away. That YOU will NEVER be lost!

Do you know that YOU now? Can you welcome beneath your anguish and fear that YOU? Can you reach out and welcome that YOU that resides at the core of your being? Can you feel that power of that YOU? Yes, feel it now! Can you sense the overwhelming capacity of that YOU to love? Can you feel the peace of that YOU? Can that YOU express to you his/her fearlessness? His/her power? His/her everlastingness?

I want that for you! I want that for me! I want everyone who reads my material, who talks to me, who intersects my life to feel IT, to know IT, to embrace IT.

Can you know YOU this day? Can you give thanks for YOU today?

Have no fear, you are on the way. Infidelity and the challenges of life awaken the YOU in you and you come to know how badly you want YOU.

Thanksgiving peace!

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With:

Infidelity and the Truth: Not in the Emotional Affair

November 25, 2008 by 3 Comments

Do you believe that if you confront the other woman, she will tell you the truth?

Hardly, since an affair is built upon deception.

The emotional energy demanded by this type of affair can be intense.

Read this case study and my comments:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

To find out how far the emotional affair had gone.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She denied communications with my husband, which I already saw from the cell phone charges and knew she was lying. She also blamed him for contacting her and that she was just talking to him to help him work on his marriage. The outcome was my husband was angry with her for blaming him for a friendship she initiated, and she no longer wanted anything to do with him because he was married with a family.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Yes, I would have confronted her the first time she hung up on me when I answered the phone(6 months earlier). I wouldn’t have contacted her – I knew what was going on. I should have separated from my husband and made him face what he was doing without a cushion of being home with his family. I will have less compassion for my husband or the lonely other woman.

Coach’s Comments:

I’m guessing we’re dealing with a form of the “I Fell out of Love… and just love being love” type of affair. This affair revolves around the emotional component.

And, someone involved in an emotional kind of affair is usually (please note, there are exceptions to patterns) a fairly dependent person who focuses his/her life on eliciting from others feedback that will make him/her feel good. Good feelings often come as a result of outside triggers rather than from inside one as they live out their life with purpose, standards and well grounded values.

This person will “play” those people in his/her life to create and guard his/her feelings. Deception is often part of this “playing” since s/he must manipulate his/her world to maintain those “feelings” and keep others away from discovering or her/his disclosing her/his inner emptiness.

Don’t expect the truth here.

Filed Under: Confronting the Other Person Tagged With: , ,

Infidelity Impact: How to Cope with the Affair

November 24, 2008 by 3 Comments

How does infidelity change one’s life? What is it’s impact? Read what these two readers say. If you’ve been there you might understand. If you haven’t been there it will help you understand the impact of infidelity:

I spend a lot of time thinking about how things could be different. I create fantasy partners, who love and cherish me, and help or inspire me to find hidden talents in myself. I wish I were different – prettier, more clever, more athletic, more alluring – but I don’t how to make those changes. And I’ve stopped sharing things about my marriage with those people I used to confide in.

I know longer trust him, I check his cell phone, his clothes, and his vehicle. I stay angry at him most of the time, something happens that brings back all of the pain, and it doesn’t help that he still works in the same company with them. I feel insecure, not desirable, I have more self- doubt. He tells me I just need to get over it there is worse things than someone having a affair, but not in “My World”. I trusted him with all of my heart and all he could say was, I took him for granted, we both made mistakes now just get over. And what’s the worst part I know he still in contact even though he tries to act like he’s not.

Filed Under: Infidelity Impact Tagged With: ,
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