Archives for February 2010

Tiger Will Cheat Again

Tiger will cheat again.

OK, I promised not to write about Tiger again. But, it’s been probably over a month since I last blogged on his situation.

After getting 2-10 Google alerts on Tiger each day, I can’t resist. And, after all, I’m entitled, am I not?

Here’s my take…

“They” say that Tiger suffers from a strong streak of narcissism. We all have a little narcissism in us, but when it becomes overpowering and directs most thoughts and actions, we have a problem.

Let’s assume Tiger has a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of narcissism.

His sexual acting out would fit nicely into affair #2 of my 7 types of affairs, “I Don’t want to Say No” – after all he felt he was entitled, which is a hallmark of overblown narcissism. He deserved his fun times, right? (Please read the sarcasm.)

Is he sexually addicted? To a degree, most likely, and if so, would fit into affair #3: “I Can’t Say No.”

But, from what I read, for whatever that’s worth, #2 probably fits better. And making the distinction between these two types of affairs is crucial in treatment and any interventions on the part of family, friends, clergy, therapist, etc.

(Please know, without interviewing Tiger, I’m treading on thin ice here. I’m not a know-it-all. The main purpose of this conjecture is to teach about infidelity, using Tiger as an example.)

Fully blow narcissistic people are like M1 Abram Tanks. They drive around seemingly impervious and exceedingly powerful. No way will they lose. They get what they want and expect others to serve their needs. They expect others to mirror back to them there greatness and virility.

And, yet the tank is filled with marshmallows. A gooey amorphous emptiness dwells within. The narcissistic person lacks an inner compass based upon standards, values and purpose that gives meaning beyond him/her self. And without this, the narcissistic person feels extremely empty and hallow.

The narcissistic persons fears that this emptiness will come to light – that s/he will be “found out.”

And so they continue to merrily roll along, running over others (Tom Watson had some comments on Tiger’s lack of golf etiquette), ignoring the needs of others (Elin) until one day…. they are found out.

They are “outed” when they fail or something in their world comes crashing down (Elin had the courage to confront him and expose his narcissistic behavior, and take away his family.)

Once exposed the narcissist feels tremendous humiliation. The emptiness emerges. usually it is only during these times of humiliation that the narcissist expresses remorse.

But, and here’s a big but, the remorse lacks substance – since the narcissist lacks true empathy for others – and is often a ploy to “get others off his/her back” calm things down, so s/he can return to the narcissistic behaviors and illusions s/he has about him/her self.

Confessions often have no staying power. (Perhaps this is why so much is written recently about whether Tiger’s confession was “sincere.”)

Bottom line: Confession may be foreign to him. Apologizing is for others. Tears and remorse are used to get what s/he wants.

Once this infidelity crisis “blows over,” once he gets back on the golf circuit, once the fans begin to adore him for his golf prowess, once he gets used to seeing his children every other weekend (or whatever the arrangement), once sponsors begin courting him again, he will return to cheating.

Jenny Sanford – Stand by her Man?

Let’s assume that Mark Sanford is a serial cheater or the more common expression of
that: a philanderer. That type of affair coincides most closely with what I identify
in my ebook as the “I Don’t Want to Say No” type of affair.

The dilemma for the wounded spouse (Jenny) is: “Should I Stay or Should I go?” Or
more precisely, “How do I handle the immediate onslaught of publicity, what does
that say about me as a woman or person and what are the implications for future

The wounded spouse in the “I Don’t want to Say No” type of affair is beset with
difficult decisions. Frequently the wounded spouse has a huge investment in the
lifestye of her cheating husband. She has dreams, expectations, seeming comfort,
prestige and a “cushy life” – at least on the surface.

Many prominent wives of philanderers “stand by their man.” Jackie O and Hilary
Clinton pop to my mind first. The wife of a prominent clergy discovered in adultery
stated, “He was under such pressure and needed his needs met” stood by her man.

A wounded spouse with a growing sense of personal integrity may at some point say,
“Enough is enough.”

For more information on this go to

Should You Spy? Reverse Phone Look Up

There are many sophisticated, and some not so sophisticated spying tools. If you
have the need to spy, specifically to check on phone records, here is a link to a
site that offers reverse phone look up.

For more on spying, download my free “Should I Spy.”