Real-Life Affair Situations: Changing Depression to Hope

There are plenty of different stories, situations and scenarios that are encountered during one-on-one coaching sessions. In one of them, a client spoke about her infidelity crisis where she says that she feels like her depressions caused her husband to have an affair because he was having a hard time living with it. Her depression was so strong that sometimes she wouldn’t go out of the house for days and days, and she would only focus on what her husband was feeling and how he was treating her. She has been trying to work through her depression and move past it, and trying to figure out what she wants for herself and her marriage but she still hasn’t decided whether or not she wants to stay in the marriage. She still lives with her husband in their home, but she hasn’t really committed to anything yet.

You will see that she’s come a long way from being depressed and having her world revolve around her husband. The affair has opened her eyes to a lot of opportunities. She views this experience as well as all her past experiences as her chance to help other people who are going through what she went through, and she is figuring out a way that she can do that. Her focus has changed from only her husband to a bigger picture, and although she sees that her husband is making changes in his life, it isn’t enough for her. She’s decided that if he isn’t ready or willing to give her what she needs from him, that it will be better for them to be apart, and she is ready to move forward with her life.

You see, even the seemingly worst situations can have good endings. And if you see yourself going through the same in your relationship, here are a few things you can do to help you:

1. If your partner isn’t making the changes you were hoping for, let him know what you want to happen and be specific about he changes you want from him. Which of your personal needs should he focus on?

2. If you find yourself having a hard time committing to a decision regarding your relationship, take some time to reflect on why you think that is happening. Are there any particular reasons why you don’t want to make a decision? Think of what you really want to happen in your life and in your relationship.

Do You Need Proof?

Here’s the situation.

A person faces a #7 affair, ” I want to be close to someone.. but can’t stand intimacy.”

The cheater in this case is often a controlled, controlling person who lives close to the vest, rarely self discloses important aspects of his/her life.

The spouse senses that something is not right in the relationship, but is fearful of confronting the cheating spouse with his/her inklings.

The cheating spouse had an affair 3 years previously and when confronted, denied and minimized the concern. The spouse who was confronting began to doubt his/her concerns and felt a little crazy for even bringing it up.

This time it’s three years later and the spouse wants ammunition before confronting her husband, who is involved again with the same person. She’s read love text messages and has viewed phone records but believes she needs more “proof” before confronting him.

This may be a viable strategy considering the history and type of affair.

What Type of Affair Is It?

You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.

Trying to influence the direction of an affair with strategies and tactics that are appropriate and designed for another type of affair is worse than futile. You efforts may cause more harm than good.