Archives for August 2012

After the Affair: Barriers in Saving the Marriage

What do you need to know to save the marriage after the affair?

Rebuilding a marriage after the affair is very difficult, even with all of the information you can have, because no matter how much you read on the matter, it will still be your personal barriers that will keep you from making any real changes.

The following are three most common barriers that people encounter while going through this situation after the affair:

1. Your partner refuses to open up and talk about the affair. You try to get him to talk, you ask questions, you try to peel back the layers your partner is hiding from, but you don’t get anywhere. And it seems that the more you ask about it, the more your partner pulls away. You have a hard time trusting him or her, or getting past the betrayal, because you imagine all these things that he or she did with the other person. And the worst part is that you don’t know for sure what happened because your partner refuses to answer your questions about it.

2. You are afraid. You’re scared to demand anything from your partner after the affair for whatever reason, and you try to stay out of his or her way. Maybe you don’t want him or her to feel pressured or stressed by you because you don’t want him or her to find comfort outside your marriage again. You only try to analyze what his or her actions mean and you are never sure if what you think is right or wrong. You keep your struggle inside rather than opening up to your partner what you really feel.

3. You are focused on the other person, and how he or she compares to you. You want to be able to be the person you were before the affair, but you’re just always unsure of yourself now. And it’s worse when your partner isn’t giving any indication of what he wants – whether it’s you or the other person – because it just makes it all the more confusing.

Relationship Advice: How to Build Trust

There is plenty of relationship advice being put out there regarding building trust in relationships. Most of it is true and helpful, but some of it won’t do you any good.

So what’s one relationship advice you should trust?

A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, they don’t want to be stuck in a rut or a routine where everything happens the same way at the same time. And although this is true enough, they also don’t want to be surprised by a sudden change in your behavior, especially when they don’t expect it from you at all.

Here is one piece of relationship advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to trust you to react or behave in a certain way even when he or she is not around.

Sudden changes in these things, even tiny things like losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently, having new friends who he or she has never met, showing interest in things that you never cared for before – these little things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening.

You may think that being consistent is bad relationship advice because it means being predictable and boring, which is something that everyone does not want to be, especially in a relationship. But consistency doesn’t always have to mean being predictable, and being predictable doesn’t always mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive. Avoid making routines when it comes to your relationship. Keep up the spark, try out new things, go to new places. But remember to do all of that consistently.

Relationship Advice: Why You Should Tell Your Partner What You’re Going Through

When it comes to building trust, we are all in need of a little relationship advice in the aspect. So what simple things can you do to help develop trust in your marriage?

In life, we are always dealt with a lot of different situations where we have to face change. We go through this everyday as individuals, sometimes we don’t even notice.

But when you are in a relationship with someone, going through change means having to share those changes with your partner. No one ever knows what life is going to hand them and what changes they are going to face. And here’s one relationship advice you need to remember in this matter: it’s important to let your partner know of these changes you are going through – what situations you find yourself in, what decisions you have to make, and other things like that.

In situations where you, yourself, aren’t aware of what’s happening, or you aren’t sure what you’re going to do about the situation you’re in, it is best that you let your partner know of your uncertainty and indecision. Let him or her know of what you are dealing with, whether or not you know what to do with it.

Ask your partner to support you through the things you are going through, and to tolerate your behavior if ever it turns into something he or she isn’t used to. Ask your partner to just be with you and stay with you while you’re going through whatever it is that you’re going through.

You may think that your partner automatically knows what you’re going through but he or she won’t always know what it is that you’re experiencing, and if all of a sudden you do or say something that he or she thinks isn’t normal for you, suspicions will start to emerge. So one of the best relationship advice you can take is to remember that it’s better if you tell your partner what you’re going through and warn him or her of anything that you may or may not do while going through it. That way, he or she will expect the change in behavior and won’t think that you are up to something bad.