David Duchovny and characteristics of sex addiction

August 29, 2008 by 2 Comments

The headlines read this morning: David Duchovny Enters Rehab for Sex Addiction

There are no details on the extent of his sexual addiction, but applaud him for seeking treatment. I would assume his sexual addiction was at the point of severely eroding his life.

Infidelity and extramarital affairs can contain components of sexual addiction, although not all infidelity is based on sexual addiction. I describe an affair type (#2) as “I Can’t say no” (found in my ebook: Break Free From the Affair) which displays sexual addiction.

Here are a few characteristics:

1. Sexual activity is often frequent and diverse. For example, porn, multiple sex partners, strip clubs and serial infidelity are ways of acting on this obsession.

2. Sexual addiction is tied to fear. There is the the fear being discovered, the belief that one is “abnormal” and the fear of losing family, marriage, vocation, and reputation.

3. Sexual addiction is usually characterized by a promise/failure cycle. After the sexual behavior the person usually experiences guilt/fear and internally and/or externally promises, “No more.” However s/he again drifts toward the sexual acting out behavior. Life is like a roller coaster with a series of broken promises.

4. True intimacy is rare. Others become objects for personal gratification.

5. Sexual addiction can occur as one attempts to work out issues of sexual confusion and/or abuse stemming from his/her history.

6. A person sexually addicted often lives in a distorted world. The object of his/her addictions assumes an all encompassing magnitude. As the addiction becomes more ingrained s/he may “split” his/her world and seeming live a dual life.

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With: , , ,

Surviving Infidelity: My Healing Point

August 20, 2008 by 1 Comment

How does one survive and recover from infidelity? What changes the flow? That’s a question I asked my readers. Read and leave your comments and questions in the comment link below. You words are appreciated by many!

1. What was the turning point(s) in your recovery? What part, if any, did my material (e-book, articles, site) play?

>>>>>The part of my recovery is when I stopped drinking over the situation and finally moved out on my own.

>>>>>To me, the turning point had a lot to do w/ the idea of realizing that I didn’t have to blame myself for my spouses infidelities. I also drew alot from you newsletter that discussed the reasons why certain things happened….types of infidelities, etc… made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

>>>>>A turning point for me was that through reading your site, and my therapist, I realized that I have power as the “queen” of my family. I decided to stay in my marriage and try to work it out. I know that the affair had nothing to do with me. Even if my husband says I did, I know that he is not capable of reflecting on his own actions. He is a narcissist and I do not go along with his crazed reasoning. Another turning point was when I realized what life would be like if I left, (splitting the week with child custody ). I am still trying to deal with him, but most importantly I know that the affair was all about him and his insecurity. He needed a BMW , a woman on the side, and took out his anger on me. It blew up in his face when the other woman wrote a letter to me! It’s been a few years now , and I sort of feel sorry for him. He can’t relate to people and it extends into the rest of his life. (business, personal).

>>>>>One of the things that has helped me more than anything was reading in your material that the feelings I was experiencing was normal. I didn’t feel that they were because they were so powerful and so confusing, but sometimes I would read from passages written be people in my same shoes the exact description of how I felt. That made me know that I was not alone and more importantly, I was NOT losing my mind. I am still in my journey to find my way back to normal, so please do not stop the good work you do.

Filed Under: Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , ,

Confronting the Other Person: Waste of Time

August 19, 2008 by 5 Comments

…continuing research and study of “Should I Confront the Other Person.

I asked the following questions of my readers:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I wanted her to know she is not the only person my husband had been with.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

Husband defended her, became angry with me. He told her I lied and that she was the only one he had been with. He married her.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I’d tell them both that they were two irresponsible adults being led by their genitals, and effecting the lives of our children and myself. Of couse, no matter what I’d say, would make no difference…..knowing what I know now, I’d be better off watching a good movie, going to the gym or having fun with friends.

Coach’s comments:

Sometimes the patterns of infidelity and personal dysfunction are so well entrenched, so undeniable strong that you might as well throw in the towel… or read a good book.

I wish I knew more…the kind of affair she was facing. Serial infidelity – probably “I Don’t Want to Say No.” Although he married her, maybe “My Marriage Made Me Do It.” The anger would fit that one more accurately.

Have you had a similar experience? Questions? Comments? Leave ’em below…

Filed Under: Confronting the Other Person Tagged With: , , ,
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