The Third Person: Just How Special Is He/She?

It’s easy to see why most victims of infidelity point a lot of the blame and anger on the third person – most people would react his way. And while it’s easier to believe that the affair is all the third person’s fault, what you have to realize is that if it didn’t happen with that specific person, then it probably would have happened with someone else.

Most people believe that the other person is someone who is so special, someone who is way better than them, or someone is more beautiful in every way. But if the affair could have happened with anyone, does that still make the other person that special?

The appeal of extramarital affairs does not really depend on the specific person but on the role that person plays which is, in most cases, that of a lover. People who engage in extramarital affairs are drawn into the relationship because it gives them a chance to be the person they want to be, and not necessarily who they are. It becomes a channel for them to live a fantasy life where they have no responsibilities, no priorities other than themselves, and no obligations to anyone else.

Understanding that your partner did not engage in an affair because of a specific person will make it easier for you to get past his actions, and move on to deal with the reasons behind his actions.


  1. I had to come to that realization as well. I wondered if it was my weight, the way I talked to him, or what. I sought counseling through our pastor and pastor’s wife. Although my husband and my pastor’s wife are sister and brother, she was very objective and she gave me advice as she felt led by the Spirit of the Lord. It took a while for me to accept that it wasn’t my fault. I really wasn’t as confident about men as I appeared to be. To be honest, I never thought I would really get married. So when the affair happened, I really was at a loss.


  1. […] “Are you in love with him or her?” That is usually the first question you ask your partner when you discover that he or she had an affair. Most people would dismiss sexless or emotional affairs like they’re nothing compared to physical affairs, but what would you rather hear your partner say – that it was only about sex or that he or she has developed feelings for another person? […]

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