Infidelity and Marriage Makeover

Just going over responses to my “Marriage Makeover” e-book. I tried to be practical (men especially like that, you know!) I always learn from your comments. I’ll share them with you:

1. When and why did you decide to do this exercise?
>>>It helps me focus on what I want
>>>As soon as I read the e-mail I wanted to do the exercise to start healing
and understanding
>>>I decided to participate in this survey because the invitation arrived this morning. It’s better to do these first thing in the morning before I get caught up in my working day.
>>>Because I have seen failed relationships and was devastated.
>>>My marriage needs to change. At the current state we are stuck in a unfufilling and deceitful relationship.
>>>we are a work in progress-always looking for something new to help
>>>I don’t want to let go of 20 years of relationship and 14 years of marriage. I am old fashioned, I believe in values

2. What happened? What positive changes or shifts took place?

>>>I feel much more confident about myself
>>>Alot has happened over the winter. My spouse has returned home and is actively participating in the restoration of our marriage. We are now participating in the Retrovaille program being offered in our area. It is an amazing program. It helps you to think about things you wouldn’t have thought of before and helps you to find your own answers in the context of your marriage issue.
>>>I became completely independent, especially from the people in my family who were downright mean and harmful. Slowly I have built a healthy, happy life for myself and my son. I have also learned to know people better, to realize that my reactions actually worsened the infidelity and am a stronger person because if I can survive this, I can survive anything.
>>>more communication
>>>My attitude, to change myself versus my partner, which brought a better impact on him, but I more focus no on my wellbeing………looks like he benefits from it too.

Infidelity: Different kinds

If you know my material, you know that I stress the importance of understanding the kind of affair facing you, if you expect to make intelligent and effective interventions for your self and your relationship.

Well, this is confirmed by my colleagues.

I just came across a copy of the Family Therapy Magazine with this issue devoted to infidelity.

An article by Adrian Blow, states:

“The types of infidelities are critical for clinicians to consider as they treat couples, and it is essential for clinician to conduct rigorous and care assessment of specific infidelity behavior, frequency, with what kinds of partner, and meaning of the behavior in the relationship. This is necessary because, for example, sexual addiction related infidelities (my affair #2: “I Can’t Say No”) require a different treatment focus than do love infidelities (e.g. long-term relationship), or opportunity relationships (e.g., one-night stand when an unexpected opportunity to cheat arises).”

My “love” – I don’t use the word ‘love’ to describe an affair, love not part of the equation – affairs would coincide more with “I Fell out of Love and just love being in love” and “I Want to be Close to Someone, but can’t stand intimacy.

Knowing the type of affair is no only crucial for a clinician but vitally important for anyone confronted with infidelity, of whatever type, in a relationship of investment.