Is Keeping your Infidelity a Secret Really the Best Decision?

September 20, 2012 by 1 Comment

A problem that people who have had affairs always have to face is making the decision whether to keep their infidelity a secret or tell their spouses about it.

No matter how many of their friends or family or anyone else they ask advice from regarding this, the only person who can make the decision is themselves. But what are the things that you need to consider before deciding whether or not they should continue to keep infidelity a secret?

Of course, everyone is aware of the obvious and potential consequences that could happen once an extramarital affair is revealed. But there are some things that could happen that you need to consider if you’re thinking of keeping your infidelity a secret from your spouse.

You may think that it would be easier to keep your infidelity a secret from your spouse, but in relationships where secrets are kept from one another, especially for a long period of time, certain changes occur that would degrade the relationship.

Communication, for example, would become limited to the topics that you are comfortable with because you will do anything to try to avoid getting discovered. And even when you think you are doing a good job of keeping your infidelity a secret, your spouse will know that something is going on.

When this happens, the relationship becomes swallowed in this hole of deception and lies that will not be easy to get out of. And it is more likely that all the lying and mistrust that will develop in your relationship will cause its demise, rather than the extramarital affair itself. So whether or not you reveal or keep your infidelity a secret from your partner, there is still a very big possibility that you will both end up hurting each other.

You have to remember that it’s not always the obvious things that can hurt a relationship. Sometimes – most of the time, actually – a strain in communication is enough to cause major problems, especially if it happens for a long time.

So before deciding not to reveal your infidelity, you have to make sure that you will actually be able to hide it from your spouse for the rest of your life. Otherwise, it would be a much wiser choice to come clean and accept the consequences of your actions rather than to continue keeping your infidelity a secret.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why Confrontation Can Be Good For Relationships

July 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How can confrontation and conflict be good for relationships?

A lot of people in relationships believe that confronting your partner, especially when it is about things that you are uncomfortable with in your relationship, will only bring negativity. No one can see how it can be good for relationships. And the thing that most people would say is that “I don’t want to hurt him or her.” There are a lot of reasons why people avoid confrontation, but there are two that are common to most.

Confrontation doesn’t always have to be done in a hurtful or aggressive manner. There are ways that you could confront your partner and it would bring about understanding and reconciliation about whatever it is that you are having issues or problems with.

Confrontation doesn’t always have to be done in an argumentative or fighting manner. You can tell your partner the truth about the things that are bothering you in normal everyday conversation. You should not be afraid to tell your partner the truth. You should never see it as something that will destroy your relationship, but as something that will help your relationship grow. Telling the truth is good for relationships.

One more common reason why you may be avoiding confrontation in your relationship is that you don’t think your partner will be able to deal with the things you are going to say. Trust in your partner’s strength. Never doubt in his or her ability to cope with whatever it is that you may throw his or her way.

Holding back and hiding your issues will sooner or later come to the surface and your partner will most likely see or feel that your trust in him or her is limited, which will create mistrust in your partner as well. Do not doubt in your partner’s strength. Confront him or her and trust that he or she will be able to handle it.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Details of the Affair: Why You Need to Know

July 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What specific details of the affair do you need to move on from your partner’s infidelity? Do you really need to know everything? Or would it be better to leave his infidelity behind and move forward?

There are plenty of ways that people deal with infidelity, but one of the most common is by asking to know the details of the affair. Asking you partner to tell you what happened and where, when it happened and how often, or even if your partner enjoyed it and how the other person compared to you.

Wanting to know these things is common for individuals who are going through a situation like this. Here are some of the reasons why you feel the need to know the details of the affair. Go over them and reflect on which one applies to your situation.

1. One of the main reasons why you might want your partner to give you the details of the affair is because you want to know if the affair was your fault or if you caused it. You ask because you want to know if it happened because you didn’t do enough or if you too much, and drove your partner into having an affair. But you should always remember that it is not your fault. Nothing you did or didn’t do justifies your partner’s affair.

2. Another reason is because you want to know what you are up against. You ask your partner to divulge details of the affair and other person because you want to know how you measure up. It can also give you an indication on how much this other relationship means to your partner – is he too deeply involved already or will he be able to let it go easily? Or it can go the other way around, and give you an indication of whether or not you can be able to forgive your partner’s actions once you learn of them.

3. For some couples, knowing about the details of the other relationship, especially details of the sexual encounters, boosts their own sex life. It creates kind of an opening for the couple to explore their hidden sexual desires and fantasies with the objective of proving to your partner that you are just as good or are better than the other person.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Confronting the Other Person, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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