Rebuild Your Life Whether You Can Rebuild Your Marriage or Not

by Infidelity Coach, Jeryl Swantack

Last blog I talked about the importance of having and holding onto our dreams, in spite of seemingly impossible obstacles and delays. I continued Dr. Bob’s discussion of our amazing new heroine and cultural icon on the world scene, Susan Boyle. I talked about how she never gave up her dream of becoming a singing star in spite of years of living in quiet anonymity while caring for her mother. She never let go of the picture in her mind of becoming a star through and with her magnificent voice. She sang daily in front of her mirror, likely using a hairbrush or something similar for a “microphone,” imagining herself to be singing to the entire world!! Now that is a powerful dream and a powerful image, energizing and giving life to that dream!

If you haven’t read books or seen films like The Secret or What the Bleep Do We Know or The Moses Code, I strongly suggest that you get to your nearest library or video store and get your hands on any one of these films to give you a taste of the power contained in our thoughts and dreams. There is great power for great shift and change in our lives in releasing our dreams to the world. Now IS the time to realize that, to make that real in your own life.

Where possible, use your creative power to rebuild your marriage. Dr. Bob provides precious and invaluable insights and suggestions about how to do this in his books, Break Free from the Affair and Marriage Makeover, both available on this site. If you have not yet done so, I encourage you to get and read these books so that you don’t stay stuck in old patterns of thinking about affairs and marriage.

Learn what you need to know to decide whether your marriage can be saved and rebuilt. Not all can, nor should be, no matter how much we might think we want to save them. Dr. Bob created, and I joined him on this site, because we want you, all of you, to live lives of purpose, of deep meaning and fulfillment.

We don’t want to see you trapped in relationships that keep you locked into patterns of relating that keep you from experiencing your dreams and all the fullness and richness of life.

I just read and listened to some fascinating information about another hot news item these days, one that often arouses fear rather than the tears of hope and joy elicited by the story of Susan Boyle. I am talking about the swine flu virus that has surfaced again and is causing the fear level of the general population worldwide to elevate.

The information I just came across reminds us that the best defense against fear or dis-ease of any kind, is A LIFE WELL LIVED! Your immune system is strongest when you are living well, meaning pursuing goals and dreams of health, wealth and abundance! Live the life of your dreams, and refuse to settle for less, and boost your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual immune systems!

En-joy life, in spite of its current circumstances, knowing that they are temporary and that they will change. See yourself as resilient and capable of adapting to your challenges, always moving in the direction of your goals and a life lived with great purpose. Each of us has a unique contribution to make on this planet. Constant movement in the direction of making that contribution will keep us strong and vital and able to weather the inevitable storms and squalls of life.

Fear makes us more vulnerable to the lower vibrating forms of life (including viruses). Living with purpose and meaning empowers us, on all levels, to take on challenges that serve to grow us and expand our lives. And THAT makes us very attractive, attracting into our lives more of that which we desire, whether it is love and deep connection, or money, health and prosperity.

Dr. Bob and I have lived and do live all that we teach. We would be honored to assist you through coaching to rebuild your life, and get moving again in the direction of your own personal dreams, so that you too might live a rich and fulfilling life, eager to see what is next around the corner in this magnificent adventure called life! Break free from the affair and live the life you most want to live!

Infidelity: Clarity and Words

Infidelity: Getting clarity and Words

What is most helpful in moving through the pain and infidelity.

Two words come to mind: clarity and Words.

Once one begins to see the patterns and begins to make distinctions between different actions of self, spouse and the other person, the fog clears.

Also finding the powerful, on-target and relevant words to express at the right time is terribly empowering.

Listen to what some of my coaching clients say as they move through the agony of infidelity”

>>>>>The (coaching) session was helpful in that it did help me understand what I really want and need to say to my wife now. You also helped me accept that it is okay to shed my feelings of guilt for causing the affair. Thank you.

>>>>>Dr H is very able to quickly asses the situation and sum it up for you in clear language. I am sometimes mired in my situation and unable to see above or beyond my circumstances. His analysis helped me. He has enough experience with this topic to have developed a whole library of phrases that allow me to communicate to my partner concisely what I mean without threats or anger.

>>>>>Wonderful validation. Pointed out questions I could be asking at this point in our moving on process.

More more info on infidelity coaching is available if you are interested.

Marital Infidelity and It’s Pain: You are not Alone

I hear over and over again of the pain one slams into when confronted with infidelity.

And, if that isn’t enough, most think either in the front of their mind or in the back, that something is wrong with them. They shouldn’t be feeling the agony they feel.

If you feel the pain and struggle with your mind, you are not alone.

Listen to these case studies as two people respond to my question:

1. List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.

1 – Think about it all the time. Hard time thinking about ANYTHING else
2 – Go from sad and crying to mean and mad several times per day
3 – Think of ways to keep busy so I won’t have to think about IT
4 – Hard time trying to stay happy about life
5 – Want to know what will happen NOW, don’t want to wait – impatient

I am hurt, lonely, devastated, stressed, insecure, self esteem is shot and nervous about everything in my life. I have lost so much weight, my hair fell out at a rate of unbelief but I feel great and look wonderful but my mind goes 24/7 and I feel out of control with thoughts about what he said to me. “I like her and she likes me and it’s all about the sex but I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you”, he lies and cheats and I am in a box. What kind of sex is he having I ask myself since he said our sex life was great, I just do not understand and never will. I cannot afford to leave at this time and I do nothing but cook for myself clean house and do the yard work. I don’t mind but I miss the conversation, sharing, intimacy and fun we use to have and it’s hard to start over at 59 I am out of the game so to speak he is 52 and his new mate is 30 and understands him and he can talk to her, he broke the bond and everything in his life changed including him, the way he talks to me is just awful. I get no pleasure out of looking at him as I see a different person and not the man I fell in love with he is angry, hateful, rude and uncaring about everything and he does not like himself and feels no remorse or guilt and that is hard to swallow for me. I am bored out of my mind I do not have allot of friends and my family is so far away and I just feel lost without him as I always felt in my heart he was my one and only life time partner. I will get through this and be on my way as soon as the property sells and I will start fresh and have a great life that I deserve and maybe even someone to share it with. I am not a needy person just sad about the whole thing. My heart is just broke and I feel cheated of 18 years of my life!!!! Thanks for listening.

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk it through in a supportive affirming environment. Check out infidelity coaching.