I hear over and over again of the pain one slams into when confronted with infidelity.

And, if that isn’t enough, most think either in the front of their mind or in the back, that something is wrong with them. They shouldn’t be feeling the agony they feel.

If you feel the pain and struggle with your mind, you are not alone.

Listen to these case studies as two people respond to my question:

1. List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.

1 – Think about it all the time. Hard time thinking about ANYTHING else
2 – Go from sad and crying to mean and mad several times per day
3 – Think of ways to keep busy so I won’t have to think about IT
4 – Hard time trying to stay happy about life
5 – Want to know what will happen NOW, don’t want to wait – impatient

I am hurt, lonely, devastated, stressed, insecure, self esteem is shot and nervous about everything in my life. I have lost so much weight, my hair fell out at a rate of unbelief but I feel great and look wonderful but my mind goes 24/7 and I feel out of control with thoughts about what he said to me. “I like her and she likes me and it’s all about the sex but I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you”, he lies and cheats and I am in a box. What kind of sex is he having I ask myself since he said our sex life was great, I just do not understand and never will. I cannot afford to leave at this time and I do nothing but cook for myself clean house and do the yard work. I don’t mind but I miss the conversation, sharing, intimacy and fun we use to have and it’s hard to start over at 59 I am out of the game so to speak he is 52 and his new mate is 30 and understands him and he can talk to her, he broke the bond and everything in his life changed including him, the way he talks to me is just awful. I get no pleasure out of looking at him as I see a different person and not the man I fell in love with he is angry, hateful, rude and uncaring about everything and he does not like himself and feels no remorse or guilt and that is hard to swallow for me. I am bored out of my mind I do not have allot of friends and my family is so far away and I just feel lost without him as I always felt in my heart he was my one and only life time partner. I will get through this and be on my way as soon as the property sells and I will start fresh and have a great life that I deserve and maybe even someone to share it with. I am not a needy person just sad about the whole thing. My heart is just broke and I feel cheated of 18 years of my life!!!! Thanks for listening.

Sometimes it’s helpful to talk it through in a supportive affirming environment. Check out infidelity coaching.