Infidelity Barrier: Is It Just Men Who Are Afraid To Open Up?

October 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What is the most common infidelity barrier that affect marriages who are trying to rebuild their marriage after an extramarital affair?

It is the inability of one partner to open up and disclose how he or she is feeling regarding the extramarital affair, especially if he or she is the one who cheated. Most people think that with couples who are going through extramarital affair crises, men are the only ones who shy away from counseling or marital therapy, who are very partial to this infidelity barrier. And although this is the case most of the time, women can be as against it as men.

The reason behind this common belief is that men are generally known to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. They tend to cause this infidelity barrier more than women because they prefer to think things through and tend to solve their problems without having to talk about any of it. Women, on the other hand, are the known to be the complete opposite. They are seen as the gender that is very open about their feelings, who like talking about absolutely everything.

But the reality is that being open about your feelings or not has nothing to do with gender. People just handle their problems and feelings differently, and there will always be someone who is more open and talkative about the issues he or she is going through and someone who keeps things hidden inside. This infidelity barrier is what is referred to as polarization.

Marriage counseling is not as effective if you start attending sessions right after the discovery  of infidelity, which is why it is better to try to discuss and communicate with each other what you expect from one another before going into therapy. A great way to get over this infidelity barrier is to take some time to develop individual goals and goals for your relationship that you hope to accomplish and share them with one another.

The only way to get away from this “polarization” in your relationship is by acknowledging that it exists. You and your partner will not be able to effectively move forward from this infidelity barrier and heal the marriage unless you address this issue and find a way around it.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Save Your Marriage: Seven Tactics that will Stop the Affair

September 25, 2012 by 2 Comments

If you find out that your spouse is having an affair, and you want to stop it to save your marriage, here are seven powerful tactics that will surely give you the results you want.

Stopping an affair to save your marriage is not an easy feat. And even with these tactics at your disposal, you will still face difficulties with confronting your spouse with his or her affair. But the beauty of these seven tactics is that it will guarantee results for any of the seven different types of affairs. Of course, if your spouse is acting on addictive impulses or is an incessant cheater, these may not be as effective, but if you decide that you still want to try to save the marriage, then these tactics are still worth a try.

These tactics require a lot in order for them to work. You need to be focused and dedicated to follow through with them once you start. Doing these tactics require strength and control if you want to save your marriage. You cannot break down on the first sign of problems or trouble. You will need to control your feelings and emotions, and this is hard to do especially upon discovering the affair in the first place.

This will be the hardest and most painful time you will have in this whole experience. And if you think that you are not strong enough, you will need to build your strength and confidence before attempting to try these tactics. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t at that place yet. Don’t think that you are weak for needing time to get yourself ready. There’s nothing wrong with being confused, hurt, devastated and lost. These feelings are normal and be assured that you are not alone in feeling like this upon the discovery of an affair. What you need to remind yourself of is that you will be able to get through this and save your marriage.

Another thing you need to remember is that these tactics are not manipulative strategies to be used to change your spouse’s actions and behavior. If this is your motive in practicing these tactics, your husband or wife will surely be able to see right through it and will try to get back at you in whatever way he or she thinks is right.

The reason you are doing this is because you want to save your marriage and because you think that this is the right thing to do, not only for yourself but for your partner, your children and your marriage as well.

Do you think you’re ready to get your marriage back and work through your spouse’s infidelity? Tune in for the second part of this post to find out what those seven tactics are, and save your marriage!

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keeping Secrets: Why They Can Ruin a Marriage

September 4, 2012 by 1 Comment

Is it alright for you to be keeping secrets from your partner? In what instances or situations is it okay to do so? And in when is it not? Read on to see why secrets in a marriage can break the trust you’ve worked hard to build, and what you can do to fix it.

Keeping secrets from your partner, no matter how little you think they are, can be very damaging to your relationship. Which means that you have to be very, very careful about this.

Most of the time, your partner will be able to sense that you are keeping secrets, or at least something, from him or her anyway, and although he or she may not ask you directly what it is, there could be hints that will be sent your way asking you to divulge whatever it is that you are hiding. And the more you avoid answering or divulging what it is, the more your partner will suspect you of doing something wrong, and he or she will start losing trust in you.

Usually in extramarital affairs, what hurts your partner most is the fact that you betrayed his or her trust, kept things from him or her and lied constantly to cover things up. These things — the keeping of secrets — more than the fact that you had sex with another person, is what is most damaging for relationships.

But this does not mean that you have to talk about every single detail of your affair with your partner, that you have to describe in full detail what you and the other person did, where, when and how. No, it does not mean that at all. Your partner may ask you to reveal some details of the affair but you don’t have to be very specific about it.

What you need to do, though, is to resolve these things and find a way to forgive yourself because it’s the first thing you need to do before you can really move forward with your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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