Emotional Affairs: What Are the Clues?

September 6, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What do you need to watch out for when you suspect that your partner is having an emotional affair with someone?

The following is a compilation of information gathered from the comments on the newsletter received by our subscribers – men and women –  who have experienced and observed the changes in their partners as they went through emotional affairs, as well as from their emails and responses to the various articles and blogs posted on our website.

And here is what they had this to say about clues to emotional affairs:

1. My husband started coming home late a lot. (This is one of the most common clues of emotional affairs.)

2. Our sex life changed. It wasn’t what it used to be.

3. We started having fights and arguments over little things.

4. I noticed that she pulls away when I try to kiss her or touch her.

5. She started to make more of an effort with her appearance and clothing for work.

6. Another common clue of emotional affairs that almost everyone experienced: He would get phone calls late at night and he would always answer them in a different room. The calls usually lasted for hours.

7. He set up a password on his computer, and there were files that I couldn’t view.

8. My wife always had excuses to get out of the house, usually at nights and during the weekends.

9. He suddenly started to work more and more, or always had a work-related outing he had to go to.

10. I was shocked when he said all of a sudden that he “cares for me a lot but isn’t in love with me anymore.”

So have you experienced any of these things recently from your partner? Or is he or she doing something else that you just find odd? What other clues of emotional affairs can you add to the list that you think is important and that people have to watch out for? And what should you do when you notice these changes from your partner? Don’t hesitate to leave your comments or thoughts.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keeping Secrets: Why They Can Ruin a Marriage

September 4, 2012 by 1 Comment

Is it alright for you to be keeping secrets from your partner? In what instances or situations is it okay to do so? And in when is it not? Read on to see why secrets in a marriage can break the trust you’ve worked hard to build, and what you can do to fix it.

Keeping secrets from your partner, no matter how little you think they are, can be very damaging to your relationship. Which means that you have to be very, very careful about this.

Most of the time, your partner will be able to sense that you are keeping secrets, or at least something, from him or her anyway, and although he or she may not ask you directly what it is, there could be hints that will be sent your way asking you to divulge whatever it is that you are hiding. And the more you avoid answering or divulging what it is, the more your partner will suspect you of doing something wrong, and he or she will start losing trust in you.

Usually in extramarital affairs, what hurts your partner most is the fact that you betrayed his or her trust, kept things from him or her and lied constantly to cover things up. These things — the keeping of secrets — more than the fact that you had sex with another person, is what is most damaging for relationships.

But this does not mean that you have to talk about every single detail of your affair with your partner, that you have to describe in full detail what you and the other person did, where, when and how. No, it does not mean that at all. Your partner may ask you to reveal some details of the affair but you don’t have to be very specific about it.

What you need to do, though, is to resolve these things and find a way to forgive yourself because it’s the first thing you need to do before you can really move forward with your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Truth About Infidelity Websites and Unhappy Relationships

July 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Just how popular are infidelity websites among those who are in unhappy relationships?

A recent story published by USA today said that websites that offer free membership to married individuals who want to look for other married individuals for purposes of “hooking up” record their highest profits of the year the day after Valentine’s Day. Why?

A person who runs such a website said that, “People are disappointed by their spouse’s lack of effort, and they feel especially undervalued when there is a societal expectation of romance. Certain days of the year act as litmus tests for many people in relationships.”

We tend to force romance into our relationships most of the time just to prove to ourselves that we can be romantic just like everyone else, but it usually doesn’t work and only ends up emphasizing our unhappy relationships. What’s more is, your partner could very well be one of the people who register on infidelity websites without your knowledge.

There are two possible concepts that trigger and increase the disappointment we feel during this particular day:

First being that romance gets too hyped up and it somehow makes us kind of self-centered.

Romantic movies and novels as well as love songs that come out describe romance generally as something between two people where each others’ thoughts and feelings, wants and needs are mirrored back to each other, where you begin to feel like you’re something special and you lose sight of the fact that you are just like everyone else going through the motions of life.
One more reason is because we concentrate on our personal needs. We focus on us – our need for constant attention, our need to be adored, our need to be listened to. And when our partners don’t meet our needs, or don’t do what we expect, we start to become resentful or frustrated towards them, whether we do it consciously or not.

On Valentine’s Day, there is an exaggerated expectation for romance in general. And even when we say that we don’t care whether or husbands or wives do anything special on that particular day, we get swept up in it along with everyone else. So when nothing happens, we become more convinced that our is an unhappy relationship compared to others.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Online Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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