Infidelity Barrier: Is It Just Men Who Are Afraid To Open Up?

October 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What is the most common infidelity barrier that affect marriages who are trying to rebuild their marriage after an extramarital affair?

It is the inability of one partner to open up and disclose how he or she is feeling regarding the extramarital affair, especially if he or she is the one who cheated. Most people think that with couples who are going through extramarital affair crises, men are the only ones who shy away from counseling or marital therapy, who are very partial to this infidelity barrier. And although this is the case most of the time, women can be as against it as men.

The reason behind this common belief is that men are generally known to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. They tend to cause this infidelity barrier more than women because they prefer to think things through and tend to solve their problems without having to talk about any of it. Women, on the other hand, are the known to be the complete opposite. They are seen as the gender that is very open about their feelings, who like talking about absolutely everything.

But the reality is that being open about your feelings or not has nothing to do with gender. People just handle their problems and feelings differently, and there will always be someone who is more open and talkative about the issues he or she is going through and someone who keeps things hidden inside. This infidelity barrier is what is referred to as polarization.

Marriage counseling is not as effective if you start attending sessions right after the discovery  of infidelity, which is why it is better to try to discuss and communicate with each other what you expect from one another before going into therapy. A great way to get over this infidelity barrier is to take some time to develop individual goals and goals for your relationship that you hope to accomplish and share them with one another.

The only way to get away from this “polarization” in your relationship is by acknowledging that it exists. You and your partner will not be able to effectively move forward from this infidelity barrier and heal the marriage unless you address this issue and find a way around it.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cheating Against Infidelity: Is There Really A Difference?

September 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How do you define cheating against infidelity? Is there really a difference between the two? Or do they mean just one thing?

In the course of over twenty years of working with thousands of people who experienced having an affair, or experienced their partners having an affair, there was a difference in society’s understanding of cheating against infidelity meant.

So for most people, there is a distinct difference with cheating against infidelity, and cheating is worse than infidelity. They view cheating as something that’s more strongly associated with the “I don’t want to say no” type of affair from the seven types of affairs in the e-book by Dr. Huizenga, while the other six are more of infidelity.

Cheating, mostly, is described by the stereotypical view of how extramarital affairs are seen. A cheater, for example, is someone who constantly has affairs, usually with multiple partners, and does not see anything wrong with it.

Infidelity, in the other hand, is associated with confusion, pain and doubt, where a person is having a hard time going through his or her affair because of guilt and a sense of shame for doing what he or she is doing.

Cheating, therefore, is for someone who chooses to have an extramarital affair without any regard as to how it will make his or her partner feel. And infidelity is for someone who, for one reason or another, feels compelled to experience a relationship with another person who isn’t his or her partner. These are the major differences that people see when it comes to cheating against infidelity.

So if you suspect your partner of having an extramarital affair, or even when you know for sure that he or she is having one, how would you know which one it is? How do you differentiate cheating against infidelity, and know for sure which on your partner is going through?

Seeing as how these things have different meanings, it will, of course, follow that cheating against infidelity will have different signs or clues in how they present themselves as well. You will be able to notice little differences, and you will be able to pinpoint whether your partner is cheating or involved in infidelity.

So what are these signs?

Check back for our follow up blog post to find out everything you need to know about cheating against infidelity!

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity in the Media, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sexual Addiction: How Does it Cause Extramarital Affairs? Part 2

September 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

In this second part of the two-part series on sexual addiction and infidelity, we will continue to list down more things you need to watch out for from your partner, or anyone else you know, to be able to identify whether or not his or her infidelity is caused by sexual addiction.

Here are a few more insights and observations on sexual addiction and infidelity:

1. Sex for someone who is sexually addicted is actually tied very closely with fear. He or she is afraid, most of all, of getting caught or discovered. This person is afraid of being faced with the consequences of his or her infidelity. He or she does not want to be looked down on, to lose the respect of the people around him. He or she does not want to alienate himself, and lose his family and his friends.

2. Because of this fear, he or she develops a different view of the world. This person begins to rationalize his or her actions and behaviors, and convinces himself that there is nothing wrong with the things he or she is doing. He or she will also be able to hide his or her addiction from those around, and convince them that there is nothing wrong. He or she will be able to lead a kind of double life – one where his or her addiction exists, and one where it doesn’t.

3. There is also a cycle of making and breaking promises, and failing to keep his or her word when it comes to sexual activities. Usually, after a bout of infidelity, that guilt persists and this person makes promises to not do it again either to himself or his or her partner. This promise usually only lasts until the next time he or she feels the urge to act out on his or her addiction again, in which case he or she will most likely will. And the cycle continues.

If you see any of these on anyone you know, encourage them to get help as soon as possible. It won’t be easy, of course, because no one would admit right away that they are sexually addicted. But try to convince him or her that living without this addiction will create much better relationships with other people, especially with his or her partner. And that he or she should explore and discover the world without sexual addiction.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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