Healing From Infidelity: How to Deal With Someone Going Through an Affair Crisis

What can you do to help someone who is the middle of an affair crisis? The following are a few things that are from people who have gone through this experience, and may help you help someone going through an affair crisis:

1. I’d really like to be able to talk about what I’m feeling openly and without censor. I’d like to be able to say how overwhelming my pain or my guilt is, to talk about what I’m going through, because I don’t want to keep things bottled up inside me.

2. I want to be left alone to go through what’s happened and process things by myself. I don’t want people pestering me about what I should do or how I should handle things. I want to be able to make decisions by myself without feeling that I have to do oblige what other people think I should do.

3. If you’re going to ask me how I am, I want to be able to answer it truthfully. I don’t want to be asked that in passing, when I can’t say how I really am doing. I want to be able to have time to mull it over so I can say how I really am.

4. I want to be understood. I want people to accept that I’m unsure of what to do and what I want to do, of how I feel and what I want to happen. I want you to be able to just be there for me even if I don’t make any sense.

5. And most importantly, I want to know that I am okay. I want to be accepted and validated by the people around me.

The Third Person: Just How Special Is He/She?

It’s easy to see why most victims of infidelity point a lot of the blame and anger on the third person – most people would react his way. And while it’s easier to believe that the affair is all the third person’s fault, what you have to realize is that if it didn’t happen with that specific person, then it probably would have happened with someone else.

Most people believe that the other person is someone who is so special, someone who is way better than them, or someone is more beautiful in every way. But if the affair could have happened with anyone, does that still make the other person that special?

The appeal of extramarital affairs does not really depend on the specific person but on the role that person plays which is, in most cases, that of a lover. People who engage in extramarital affairs are drawn into the relationship because it gives them a chance to be the person they want to be, and not necessarily who they are. It becomes a channel for them to live a fantasy life where they have no responsibilities, no priorities other than themselves, and no obligations to anyone else.

Understanding that your partner did not engage in an affair because of a specific person will make it easier for you to get past his actions, and move on to deal with the reasons behind his actions.

Coping with Infidelity: Learning to Trust Yourself After Infidelity

Different kinds of affairs mean different approaches in handling the situation, which in turn will produce different results. In some relationships, a partner having an affair may be one of the greatest things that had happened for the marriage. For most though, it means the end. Affairs demand different things, from patience and understanding to tough love and action. It just all depends on what kind of affair it is.


People usually react differently when they hear of their partner’s affair, but the emotional impact is equally strong for everyone. Expect to have plenty of sleepless nights, and feel kind of a numbness that will leave you idle and unproductive for weeks. It usually takes a long time for an individual to work through everything and process things completely – usually about two to four years. Having a good therapist or counselor may help you deal with it faster, but it usually depends on your situation.


The reason why the emotional impact of a situation like this runs deep is usually because of two major things: the trust you had in your partner is completely destroyed, and the consequences of keeping secrets in a relationship takes its toll on you.


One of the most important things you will have to develop is to trust yourself, and not to put your trust completely in your partner. You should also learn to deal with the ramifications of what this does to your relationship.