How Does the Confrontation of the OP Serve Me

June 12, 2009 by 1 Comment

What will the confrontation of the other person do for you?

In confronting the other person, underlying and very pertinent questions are:

What will confronting the other person get for me?
What kind of person am I and how do I want to express that in the confrontation?
What kind of person do I want to become and how can I use the confrontation to expedite that?
How can the confrontation best serve me?
What personal needs do I have now that the confrontation may meet?

This case study illustrates a person concerned about how SHE wants to present herself in the confrontation – no consideration for outcome in terms of the op, but only in terms of how she wants to be.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I simply walked up to her and congratulated her on a job well done in a show she was in with my husband.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She looked at me like a scared little rabbit. I really thought she was expecting me to blow up in her face, but I did the exact opposite. I felt very powerful and full of energy. I had taken back control. I wanted her to know that I existed. I was hoping it would burst the fantasy bubble. Later, I found out from my husband that she had been scared as I was walking toward her expecting a big scene. I calmly complimented her and gave her a hug. Wow! Tough, but necessary to charge neutral.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I would have done it the same exact way. Sometimes I wonder if I should have said something more sarcastic, but I always come back to being very pleased with how I did handle the situation.

Filed Under: Confronting the Other Person, Infidelity Quickie, Infidelity Testimonials Tagged With: , , , ,

Questions for Confronting the Other Person

June 11, 2009 by 2 Comments

Beware what you wish for when confronting the other person.

Do you (really!) want to know the details?
Are you hoping the OP will share the details with you?
And, if the OP is willing to share details with you, what kind of details do you suppose s/he will share?
And, as well, how can you trust that his/her perceptions of the details are accurate?
Or, what if the OP has has hidden motives in sharing his/her perception of the details?

If you want to meet the op with the intent of boosting your self-esteem (hey, I really am OK), do you suppose there are better ways of doing that than through confronting the op?
And, what if confronting the op leads to more questions than answers and leaves your self-esteem in a less precarious position?

Consider these questions as you read this case study:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

The purpose though embarrassing was to find out how good she was in her talk,whether she was brilliant or had a great sense of humor and to wriggle out the truth from her which I did..

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

It was the most painful conversations that Ive ever had in my life and I
still don t know who s speaking the truth.Painful becoz all the gory details of their sexual encounters came tumbling out ,just becoz she wanted to avenge him for so called letting her down and coming back to me and the children.Apparently she had persuaded him long and hard to give me a divorce ,take the children away from me to her and that she would not have children of her own,etc,etc,which my idiotic husband believed and got ready to leave..The thought still is so frightening and shocking..

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I really don t know becoz it s been almost 2 years, but the pain is as new as if has happened yesterday and the one good lesson I seem to have learned is that one can only believe in oneself and nobody else.Investing time ,energy and love in another person comes with no guarantees at all as most men as I’VE EXPERIENCED ARE UNDEPENDABLE…

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Confronting the Other Man: Protecting the Wife

June 2, 2009 by Leave a Comment

Understanding the nature of your marriage and the coping pattern(s) of your spouse may offer a clue as to whether or not to confront the other person. It also may be predictive in terms of the kind of response you might encounter.

Consider the case study below. I would guess that the cheating wife was engaged in a “I Need to Prove My Desirability” type of affair.” These people are often very vulnerable to a sexual predator or narcissistic personality.

The husband seemed to have some knowledge of her underlying pattern, as indicated by accepting with calm the response of the other person. The husband was at some level determined to protect his wife and the bond between the two of them.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I thought they were just phoning each other but I wanted to know the inside story so I called him.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

He told me ” I f….d her.” He tried to create that wedge between us. It did not work. I knew it was he who sought after her due to the numerous incoming calls and the fact she called me several times afterwards due to guilt. Our relationship is stronger now. I am going to stop working away from home and stay home to watch for these predators. He wanted to move in and take over my home.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Yes. I would stay home and work in our area and pay more attention to her activities and callers. She was just curious and found out there are vast numbers of cheaters out their who prey on lonely women.

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