Beware what you wish for when confronting the other person.
Do you (really!) want to know the details?
Are you hoping the OP will share the details with you?
And, if the OP is willing to share details with you, what kind of details do you suppose s/he will share?
And, as well, how can you trust that his/her perceptions of the details are accurate?
Or, what if the OP has has hidden motives in sharing his/her perception of the details?
If you want to meet the op with the intent of boosting your self-esteem (hey, I really am OK), do you suppose there are better ways of doing that than through confronting the op?
And, what if confronting the op leads to more questions than answers and leaves your self-esteem in a less precarious position?
Consider these questions as you read this case study:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
The purpose though embarrassing was to find out how good she was in her talk,whether she was brilliant or had a great sense of humor and to wriggle out the truth from her which I did..
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
It was the most painful conversations that Ive ever had in my life and I
still don t know who s speaking the truth.Painful becoz all the gory details of their sexual encounters came tumbling out ,just becoz she wanted to avenge him for so called letting her down and coming back to me and the children.Apparently she had persuaded him long and hard to give me a divorce ,take the children away from me to her and that she would not have children of her own,etc,etc,which my idiotic husband believed and got ready to leave..The thought still is so frightening and shocking..
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I really don t know becoz it s been almost 2 years, but the pain is as new as if has happened yesterday and the one good lesson I seem to have learned is that one can only believe in oneself and nobody else.Investing time ,energy and love in another person comes with no guarantees at all as most men as I’VE EXPERIENCED ARE UNDEPENDABLE…
I confronted the op becasue I believed that she would recognize that her actions had an impact on another human being. I believed that she would regret causing any heartache.
I called her on the phone when I discovered that they were still communicating by telephone after my husband had assured me that he had ended their relationship.
The call only made my husband respond to her desire to be rescued. I was viewed as the aggressor and she was the victim that he protected. They continued to maintain their emotional attachment for 2 years. They lied to their partners and maintained their mutual support of one another.
They have both lost their jobs. The need for them to maintain a working relationship is no longer an issue. I do not know if they are maintaining contact. I do know that my marriage is better than it was before the affair. We respect the hurt and appreciate the opportunity that each day provides. We have a healthy connection and mutual bond.
I am grateful each day. I recognize that this moment is all there is. There are no guarantees. I want to bask in the sun! Sending you light!
Nancy
Well, I found out that my husband was cheating on my by reviewing call logs on the cell phone bill. I knew something just was not right when he would ignore certain phone calls coming in, saying it was a wrong number.
I did call the OP, and at first they both lied to me and told me they “were just friends” and “really got eachother” but that didn’t explain the 7 am phone calls and the 2 am phone calls. 24 hours later after I had shut my husbands cell phone off and also changed his numbers, she called my cell phone irate that he hadn’t called her to thank her for lying to me. She then forwarded me all his sexy text messages and pictures they had been sending back and forth to eachother to prove they were indeed sexual and in a relationship.
The OP and I ended up connecting and relating to eachother about my husbands behavior and while she did tell me all the details in her “view” of how it all went, and yes it was painful to hear about all the TLC and attention and sex my husband indulged in with her, I feel that it was very helpful to hear it from her viewpoint as the OP so that I can move on. I know that my husband is a sly devil and nothing near the truth comes off his tongue, so I was happy to hear atleast one side of the story rather than none at all. Nonetheless, I got the truth about unprotected sex so now I am prepared to go in for an STD check.
It has been one month since I found out. I’ve gone through all the emotions: shock, fear, sadness, heartache, grief, sick to my stomach, angry, bitter, miserable, and now experiencing a sort of relief. The truth is all out in the open and I can now move forward in my life without a liar in it so that I can become healthy mentally and emotionally to become a better person and mother. I have grieved the death of our marriage.
The sad thing is that his behavior towards me during the affair, while it did bring about red flags, it also made me realize he has treated me in this way for years and I’m convinced that there are other women out there that have shared our “marriage bed” and that is sad.
Just know that no matter what, the details of the events will certainly be eye opening and can certainly burn images into your mind. I do have nightmares about them; but I am still glad I called her and I would do it the same way if I were approached with this scenario again. Indeed she knew my husband was “married” but he told her we were “separated”. It was a shock to her that he’d be with her sexually one day and with me the next. He lied to both of us. Neither of us think he should have his cake and eat it too. But the sad thing is that even though he is the way he is and hurt us both, I think she’d take him back before I ever did. Too bad for her.