Understanding the nature of your marriage and the coping pattern(s) of your spouse may offer a clue as to whether or not to confront the other person. It also may be predictive in terms of the kind of response you might encounter.

Consider the case study below. I would guess that the cheating wife was engaged in a “I Need to Prove My Desirability” type of affair.” These people are often very vulnerable to a sexual predator or narcissistic personality.

The husband seemed to have some knowledge of her underlying pattern, as indicated by accepting with calm the response of the other person. The husband was at some level determined to protect his wife and the bond between the two of them.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I thought they were just phoning each other but I wanted to know the inside story so I called him.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

He told me ” I f….d her.” He tried to create that wedge between us. It did not work. I knew it was he who sought after her due to the numerous incoming calls and the fact she called me several times afterwards due to guilt. Our relationship is stronger now. I am going to stop working away from home and stay home to watch for these predators. He wanted to move in and take over my home.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Yes. I would stay home and work in our area and pay more attention to her activities and callers. She was just curious and found out there are vast numbers of cheaters out their who prey on lonely women.