Real-Life Infidelity Stories: Getting Over Feeling “Controlled”

May 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

This real-life situation is from a woman who feels controlled by her husband.

It’s been difficult for me ever since I found out about my husband’s affair, especially because I’ve been trying to get him to tell me the details of what happened between him and her but he just won’t talk to me about it. Now, every time we try to have a conversation about anything, it turns into an argument. We just don’t communicate the way we used to anymore. I’ve been trying to piece together all the things he said with the things I found out and nothing makes sense. His stories don’t match up. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m trying to understand and forgive him, but he won’t even tell me the truth. To be honest, I’m getting really fed up with what’s happening. I don’t want to be in love with him anymore. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I feel like he’s controlling me and I just want my life back.

Here are a few things that were suggested for her to focus on:

1. Why do you think that you need to know the details of his affair? Do you think that it will help you cope more or move on faster? Dig deep into the reasons behind your need to know.

2. Try to understand why your partner is so hesitant in telling you what you want to know. Is he doing it for any specific reason?

3. Acknowledge this feeling of powerlessness. When does it usually occur? Rate it on a scale of 1-10. When is it the strongest? What happens that makes you feel powerless? When is it the weakest? Try to pinpoint when it happens and when it isn’t there.

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Infidelity Pain: Controlling Your Feelings Amidst an Affair Crisis

May 8, 2012 by 1 Comment

It’s never easy to control your feelings of infidelity pain when you discover that your partner is, or was, involved in an extramarital affair. Most of the time, you feel out of control and all over the place, and you never really know what you’re going to feel the next minute. This is one of the techniques that could help you in controlling your feelings.

First, get a timer of some kind, a notebook and a pen, and whenever you start having intense feelings or thoughts about your situation, find a quiet place where you can be alone. Next, set the timer for two minutes. In those two minutes, write down everything you are feeling and thinking. Don’t leave anything out. Let it all come out of you. When you feel pain or any kind of emotion, write it down – how painful it is, where it hurts and what triggers the pain. Don’t worry about the things you write. Just write all of it down. It is up to you what you do with what you wrote. You can shred it, burn it or throw it away. You decide.

When the two minutes are done, set aside the pen and notebook and say to yourself, “Alright, its time to set aside any feelings and thoughts for now, and focus on other responsibilities. There will be time for you later.” Whenever you start feeling this way again, repeat the whole process.

Although this technique may not be for you, or if you see that it isn’t something you see yourself doing or you aren’t comfortable doing it, you don’t have to worry. It is perfectly okay and is nothing to fret about. There are plenty of other techniques that you find from different books or other relationship blogs that you can try. Just because this particular exercise doesn’t work well for you like it does for others, it doesn’t mean that every exercise won’t work. Be patient in trying to look for a technique that works, or better yet, you can develop one yourself.

 

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Marriage and Relationships: Romance is Not What It Used To Be

April 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the biggest factors that causes affairs in marriage and relationships, especially that of the “I fell out of love… and just love being in love” type, is romance. And here are some of the reasons why:

1. People use romance as a way for them to meet their personal needs. They want to be acknowledged, to be cared for, to feel special, to feel like they are important and so on, so they look for someone who will do that. Romance should not be used as a tool to feel somewhat validated. Letting it lead you and the decisions you make will only take you from one person to the next without any satisfaction.

2. Romance has become idealized in movies, books, TV shows and other things like that as the ultimate experience in intimate relationships. It is depicted as the basis of a strong and lasting relationship, the basis in choosing the person you should be with. They show beautiful people in a beautiful relationship, and who wouldn’t want to have that?

3. Romance is a way for people to feel good – about their life, about themselves – and they expect to feel good whenever they pursue romance. They want that high you get when you’re with someone new and they expect it to last, but it never does because their basis for being with that person is for an immediate fix instead of a lifetime goal.

4. And lastly, romance is an excuse that a lot of people use for sex. Having chemistry with someone doesn’t indicate that you two should have sex, it doesn’t even mean that you should be together, but most people would see this chemistry as a “spark” that should be pursued and so they pursue it.

Romance has lost its true meaning mostly because we use it as an excuse to satisfy our immediate wants and desires. If you want true romance, look into yourself and be more aware of the things that bring you real happiness and accept yourself for who and what you are.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity in the Media, Infidelity Statistics and Tidbits, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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