Real-Life Infidelity Stories: Getting Over Feeling “Controlled”

This real-life situation is from a woman who feels controlled by her husband.

It’s been difficult for me ever since I found out about my husband’s affair, especially because I’ve been trying to get him to tell me the details of what happened between him and her but he just won’t talk to me about it. Now, every time we try to have a conversation about anything, it turns into an argument. We just don’t communicate the way we used to anymore. I’ve been trying to piece together all the things he said with the things I found out and nothing makes sense. His stories don’t match up. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m trying to understand and forgive him, but he won’t even tell me the truth. To be honest, I’m getting really fed up with what’s happening. I don’t want to be in love with him anymore. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I feel like he’s controlling me and I just want my life back.

Here are a few things that were suggested for her to focus on:

1. Why do you think that you need to know the details of his affair? Do you think that it will help you cope more or move on faster? Dig deep into the reasons behind your need to know.

2. Try to understand why your partner is so hesitant in telling you what you want to know. Is he doing it for any specific reason?

3. Acknowledge this feeling of powerlessness. When does it usually occur? Rate it on a scale of 1-10. When is it the strongest? What happens that makes you feel powerless? When is it the weakest? Try to pinpoint when it happens and when it isn’t there.


  1. My husband had an affair and left me after 31 years of marriage. Two years later I still wonder what happened. There was no real explanation except that it “just happened”. I have spoken with him once since he told me he wanted a divorce-when he told me he hates me He took all financial resources he could and I am financially in ruin. He is a high level functioning alcoholic that makes a 6-figure income. He married the woman two weeks after our divorce. I can be told a million times to just move on but I can’t help but wonder…what happens to these marriages years down the road? Do they survive?

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