Should you confront the other person? This scenario describes the husband attempting to protect his wife. What do you think? Leave a comment.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
I thought they were just phoning each other but I wanted to know the inside story so I called him.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
He told me ” I did your wife.” He tried to create that wedge between us. It did not work. I knew it was he who sought after her due to the numerous incoming calls and the fact she called me several times afterwards due to guilt. Our relationship is stronger now. I am going to stop working away from home and stay home to watch for these predators. He wanted to move in and take over my home.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
Yes. I would stay home and work in our area and pay more attention to her activities and callers. She was just curious and found out there are vast numbers of cheaters out their who prey on lonely women.
Coach’s Comments:
1. I wonder from where the curiosity emerged. What was behind that? My experience tells me that many who had little sexual experience before marriage at some point experience that curiosity. (I’m not condoning sexual experimentation before marriage!) That curiosity is fairly normal. However, it is one thing to have it and another to act on it.
2. His act of calling the OP seems to be an act of protection. He seemed to know that she was vulnerable and limited in her capacity to set boundaries. Does she somehow lack the internal mechanisms to set boundaries or is there a naivety regarding relationships, especially those with the opposite sex?
3. He seems to assume his role as protector and she also likes him protecting her. This balance and agreement in the relationship might work fairly well. However, it will be tested frequently. If the two of them have a conscious awareness of their roles, they could ward off future problems.
I confronted the OP. I found the idiots tel. number online, and called him. I disguised my voice initially, then “lowered the boom”. I basically told him WHO I as (her Fiancee!) and that he should not make any long term plans with her…” In that instant, he handed the phone over to…my Fiancee! I had caught both of them, “in flagranti”. We had a small chat, (of course she was upset that I had called) but the end result? After the long train ride home on the Monday after their “fling/getaway weekend”…he (other guy) dropped my gal IMMEDIATELY from his My Space site (cancelled it outright!) Dropped her from his facebook friends list (where she was but one of 133 women!) and my Intel says that he cut ALL commo with her. So…as I predicted, she was dumped. Again. So its now, 2 guys, in 4 months…and counting. And me? I play the waiting game..she is in immense debt, losing her friends slowly because she has lied to them all about me and us (my site shows the truth: http://www.myspace.com/dagiandjimforever), and she is even in danger of losing her job now, because she told her Bosses that she was “visiting her sick Mother”, got extra free time to do so…and yet, was on her getaway weekend with this clown. So…the world is getting VERY small for her now. And how does she react? She says that “I have ruined her life”. (That is Dagi talk for “My actions are causing her to reflect, and HER actions have consequences) So…true to form in the Internet Addicted state that she is in, she lashes out, and of course, everything is MY fault. Dr Huizenga pegged that one straight off in his book. Waiting game now Doc….one day at a time. I made a promise to her back then…and now its my turn to be there for her when she crashes and burns.
I also contacted the OP. The night that I read her explicite sms on his phone I called her. I told her that I’m leaving him all to her, but would first like to get some answers. She agreed although she said she was scared to look me eye to eye. I met her in the coffe shop the next evening. I was so surprised to see that she isn’t at all what I presumed my husbands type was.And she is married too! She was very apologetic and full on flattery. She said that she was sorry and she can’t live with herself destroying two beautiful people. She said that she is the one who should leave, not I. She promissed that she would leave and let us restore our relationship. Then, the very sensitive person she is to my husband, started lecturing me on how to make my man happy. I thanked for the advice and mentionned that his unhappiness had nothing to do with my behaviour, and everything to do with his issues (affair type 7). She cried, pleaded for forgiveness amd left. I believed for a moment. I started becoming what I thought would be the most perfect partner ever. I did it all, cooked best meals, I got a beautiful tan, I gave presents I couldn’t afford, I sent sms’es, wrote e-mails on how much he meant to me, turned into a sex goddess. All to find out that she is still very much in the picture. He still lied, she broke her promise. All I gained by confronting her was that from that evening I was able to give a face to the woman who was taking my man away from me in my nightmares. Somehow I started believing that if I was more like her he’d choose me. My self- esteem plunged. Why did I do it? I think I wanted to see what does she have that I don’t. I didn’t realise at that stage that it really isn’t about who she is, it isn’t even about who I am. It’s all about him. Right now I feel sorry for her. She is, just like I is on the giving end of that relationship.