The Marital Affair and Your Rage

September 5, 2008 by 11 Comments

What do you do with your anger/rage?

Do you feel it? Do you think it? Do you plot devious scenarios in your mind to “get even?”

Do you express it? Do you keep it buried deep within? Does it come out around the edges – short with children, loved ones, kick the dog, etc?

Are you fearful of expressing directly to your cheating husband or wife the intensity of your anger/rage? …Fearful that your anger/rage will only inflame the situation or drive him/her to the other person and away from you?

Does your anger/rage wear away at you, internally? Do you suffer physical symptoms of this internal churning? Have you noticed the tightness in your muscles, in your body? Do you feel the knot in your stomach? Do you experience other physical discomfort as if your body is crying out to you for some sort of relief?

What to do with the rage, the anger???

Well, watch this video and leave your comments. Do you approve of this means? Do you find it humorous? Do you find it cathartic? Do you wish it is something you could do? Do you think it’s harmful? or helpful? Have you done it? If so, what has happened.

I’m not suggesting you do this. However, watching it might enable you to touch that anger in you and decide how best to cope with it.

Or…. you might just get a good laugh out of it…

Filed Under: Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , ,

Surviving Marital Infidelity: Shifts you Make

September 2, 2008 by 1 Comment

Surviving marital infidelity and extramarital affairs means you make shifts that move you away from that which doesn’t work and causes pain to that which works for you and your relationship and creates hope and positive feelings.

I’ve taken some responses from those who have used my E-course, “Killer Mistakes that Prolong the Affair and Your Agony,” and have made significant shifts to that enable them to survive the infidelity.

Here’s the question I ask:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Used a powerful skill:

Honestly what I got out of the book was ” Charging neutral”. That has helped when I see my husband getting frustrated and angry!

gave me strategies that help me to move faster and start working on myself instead of trying to fix everything.

Was able to move on from a destructive relationship:

For the first time in 23yrs of my so called marriage , i have filed for divorce and know that i made the right decision.i feel good about myself and know what i want from a marriage.I feel i`m in control of my life and the e-course just pointed out all the mistakes i made ,by trying to fix and work on my marriage.It is tiring and been dealing with affairs since the start of my marriage.I now know i cannot change my husband who refuses to go for help,thinking providing is all he must do in the marriage.

Inner Strength:

This course had made me stronger

Realized I’m not alone:

that im not alone, that im not crazy, and that all the “common sense” responses i have are just not going to work.

It has helped to clarify things and let me know that what I’m going through , so many others are to. It helps to know that I’m not alone

It’s his problem:

I have realized that the affair was HIS problem not mine. No matter how I tried to pry before He always said HE was the problem not me. Now I understand he might be telling the truth and it took a load off my chest.

Filed Under: Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , ,

Surviving Infidelity: My Healing Point

August 20, 2008 by 1 Comment

How does one survive and recover from infidelity? What changes the flow? That’s a question I asked my readers. Read and leave your comments and questions in the comment link below. You words are appreciated by many!

1. What was the turning point(s) in your recovery? What part, if any, did my material (e-book, articles, site) play?

>>>>>The part of my recovery is when I stopped drinking over the situation and finally moved out on my own.

>>>>>To me, the turning point had a lot to do w/ the idea of realizing that I didn’t have to blame myself for my spouses infidelities. I also drew alot from you newsletter that discussed the reasons why certain things happened….types of infidelities, etc… made me feel like I wasn’t alone.

>>>>>A turning point for me was that through reading your site, and my therapist, I realized that I have power as the “queen” of my family. I decided to stay in my marriage and try to work it out. I know that the affair had nothing to do with me. Even if my husband says I did, I know that he is not capable of reflecting on his own actions. He is a narcissist and I do not go along with his crazed reasoning. Another turning point was when I realized what life would be like if I left, (splitting the week with child custody ). I am still trying to deal with him, but most importantly I know that the affair was all about him and his insecurity. He needed a BMW , a woman on the side, and took out his anger on me. It blew up in his face when the other woman wrote a letter to me! It’s been a few years now , and I sort of feel sorry for him. He can’t relate to people and it extends into the rest of his life. (business, personal).

>>>>>One of the things that has helped me more than anything was reading in your material that the feelings I was experiencing was normal. I didn’t feel that they were because they were so powerful and so confusing, but sometimes I would read from passages written be people in my same shoes the exact description of how I felt. That made me know that I was not alone and more importantly, I was NOT losing my mind. I am still in my journey to find my way back to normal, so please do not stop the good work you do.

Filed Under: Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , ,
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