Why Are You Really Staying in the Marriage?

August 21, 2012 by 2 Comments

When you discover that your spouse is having an affair, what would be your reasons for staying in the marriage?

A lot of people tend to be confused about what their next step should be when they find out that their partners have been involved in extramarital affairs. There’s the pain and confusion of being betrayed by someone you loved who you thought you could trust. But there is also the hope that everything you worked for and everything you believed was true can still be saved. This is the cause of the internal struggle you experience with infidelity crises — are you leaving or staying in the marriage?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having doubts, and everyone has their reasons for doing so. But if staying in the marriage after the affair is the decision you choose, are you sure that you are doing it for the proper reasons?

The following are some reasons that have come up in some cases. Read through them and find out if you really want to save the marriage or…?

1. Are you tired of confronting your partner and fighting about his or her actions and behavior all the time? Are you tired of always being the one bringing up the conflict in your relationship? Have you decided that it’s much easier staying in the marriage and letting him be rather than fight?

2. Are you hanging onto your religious and moral beliefs of making your marriage work no matter what? Do you feel like you will be judged or ridiculed by your friends or family if you don’t stay in your marriage?

3. Are you only staying together for the kids? Do you think that your kids need you and your partner to be together, even when he or she isn’t behaving the best way? Or that they wouldn’t be able to cope if you weren’t together?

4. Are you afraid of being on your own and starting over without your partner by your side? Does the thought of making decisions on your own and living a new life without your partner scare you?

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

A Common Problem when Healing the Marriage

August 14, 2012 by 1 Comment

Couples who are trying to heal the marriage after an affair usually have so much problems and issues that they have to face.

There’s the affair itself, the trust and betrayal issues that come with the affair, and so many others.

One of the issues that couples have to address during this healing process is how their actions and words generate negativity within each other. This actually happens more than people think.

Most of the time, you may not see anything offending or bad about the things you say or do. But what you don’t know is that they may actually be affecting your husband or wife in a negative way. Your spouse could be insulted or hurt by something that will keep you from healing the marriage, and you may not even understand why that is so.

Here is an example:

During your affair, you made it a habit to your husband a present of some sort after every meeting you have with the other person, such as flowers or a new tie for example. Whether it is done consciously or unconsciously, this has become your practice. After your spouse discovers your affair, he or she realizes what those presents mean – a kind of guilty present for your affair. Your husband or wife will relate those presents with the betrayal of your affair from then on. So, even after you end your affair and begin to heal the marriage, whenever you give your husband or wife presents, he or she will look at a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of his favorite in a negative light.

That present, which is now a sign of your love and devotion to your spouse that you hope will help in healing the marriage, becomes a reminder of the pain and betrayal that he or she felt caused by your affair because he or she still sees it as the sign of guilt that it used to be.

What your spouse needs to do is to try to stop associating your giving of presents as a sign of guilt and accept them for what they are – as apologies. He or she needs to heal this part of him or her, and see how it is affecting your current relationship. Letting go of those feelings of betrayal, focusing on what you are trying to have now and accepting those presents will help more effectively in healing the marriage.

Of course, just forgetting about your affair won’t be easy at all for your husband or wife. What you can do, on your part, is to be a little more sensitive with regards to giving your spouse presents. If you know that he or she won’t have the response that you hope for, try to find other ways that you can express your love for him or her. Don’t force this kind of practice in your relationship because you know that it will only cause more harm than good. This way, you are helping each other heal the marriage.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Quickie, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Relationship Communication: Being Able to Say What You Really Mean

August 9, 2012 by 1 Comment

What can you do create and develop a better relationship communication with your spouse?

Communication is a very important part in any relationship, and good communication requires that the things you are saying will be reflected in the things you are doing. When you are saying something but your actions are showing different, your partner will begin to doubt you and question whether or not to believe what you are saying.

A very common example of relationship communication that turns negative is when you go out for dinner. Most of the time, even when you don’t really want to go out, you act like you do because you feel like you should or because you don’t want to disappoint your spouse.

Your words say that you’re excited and ready for a night out, but your actions say that going out is the last thing you want to do, and that all you really want to do is go to bed and sleep. Which of the messages you’re sending out will your partner focus on? Although it may be something very trivial, it still has an impact on your relationship communication and in partner’s trust in you.

So rather than acting as if you are interested in doing something when you’re actually not, it’s better if you just say that you don’t want to do it. Initiate good relationship communication with your partner and let him or her know that you know how important it is for you to spend time together and ask if, instead of going out, you can stay in instead or do something else.

Let your partner be aware of what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way so that he or she would not be confused or suspicious of why you don’t have interest in something that you always do together. This creates a better relationship communication and generates trust in each other.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , ,
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