Do I Really Want to Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

March 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Most people who discover that their partners are having, or used to have, an extramarital affair have a hard time deciding between staying in the marriage or leaving. Different people have reasons for staying or leaving.

The following are some of these reasons. Read on to see if any of these apply to you, and take some time to reflect on your situation.

Do I really want to stay in the marriage or…?

1. Am I afraid that I won’t be capable of getting out of the marriage? Am I scared of starting over? Of doing it all on my own? Will I be able to survive without my partner?

2. Am I doing it because I feel like my partner needs me? Maybe if I leave, he won’t be able to cope and will only get worse. Am I just staying to make things easier for him?

3. Am I afraid of what he might do? What if I confront him and tell him I’m leaving, and he hurts me? Or worse, what if he hurts the children?

4. Have I forgotten to think about myself? Have I forgotten about my wants and needs because of every other responsibility that I have to face? What are the hopes and desires and dreams I have that have nothing to with my partner?

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Healing From Infidelity: How to Deal With Someone Going Through an Affair Crisis

March 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What can you do to help someone who is the middle of an affair crisis? The following are a few things that are from people who have gone through this experience, and may help you help someone going through an affair crisis:

1. I’d really like to be able to talk about what I’m feeling openly and without censor. I’d like to be able to say how overwhelming my pain or my guilt is, to talk about what I’m going through, because I don’t want to keep things bottled up inside me.

2. I want to be left alone to go through what’s happened and process things by myself. I don’t want people pestering me about what I should do or how I should handle things. I want to be able to make decisions by myself without feeling that I have to do oblige what other people think I should do.

3. If you’re going to ask me how I am, I want to be able to answer it truthfully. I don’t want to be asked that in passing, when I can’t say how I really am doing. I want to be able to have time to mull it over so I can say how I really am.

4. I want to be understood. I want people to accept that I’m unsure of what to do and what I want to do, of how I feel and what I want to happen. I want you to be able to just be there for me even if I don’t make any sense.

5. And most importantly, I want to know that I am okay. I want to be accepted and validated by the people around me.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Third Person: Just How Special Is He/She?

March 6, 2012 by 2 Comments

It’s easy to see why most victims of infidelity point a lot of the blame and anger on the third person – most people would react his way. And while it’s easier to believe that the affair is all the third person’s fault, what you have to realize is that if it didn’t happen with that specific person, then it probably would have happened with someone else.

Most people believe that the other person is someone who is so special, someone who is way better than them, or someone is more beautiful in every way. But if the affair could have happened with anyone, does that still make the other person that special?

The appeal of extramarital affairs does not really depend on the specific person but on the role that person plays which is, in most cases, that of a lover. People who engage in extramarital affairs are drawn into the relationship because it gives them a chance to be the person they want to be, and not necessarily who they are. It becomes a channel for them to live a fantasy life where they have no responsibilities, no priorities other than themselves, and no obligations to anyone else.

Understanding that your partner did not engage in an affair because of a specific person will make it easier for you to get past his actions, and move on to deal with the reasons behind his actions.

Filed Under: Confronting the Other Person, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »