Tolerating NO Infidelity

September 18, 2008 by Leave a Comment

How much should one put up with and tolerate when it comes the discovery of infidelity.

Here’s what one of my readers said:

NONE! I’m considered to be a very tolerant person. I make a lot of allowances for people & try to see things from their perspective & understand why they do what they do.

However, when the other woman forwarded his emails to me, attempting to break us up, I was so outraged that I told him I would tolerate NOTHING.

He dropped her like a lead balloon & begged me for another chance.

I had nothing to lose by waiting to see what he did.

My pain was agonizing & I remained angry for a long time but he hung in there & made his life an open book. He did a complete about face.

We went to therapy together for 2 1/2 years & today our relationship is better than ever.

Neither of us ever spoke to the other woman again & since she lives out of state, I think not knowing what happened since she dropped her bomb is her punishment. By the way, she was a friend of mine & the affair lasted 7 years.

Coach’s comments:

This worked for her. This type of firm all or nothing stance may NOT work for you, depending on the kind of affair facing you. It may not work for the “My Marriage Made Me Do it Affair” or the “I Fell out of Love and just love being in love” affair. You might find yourself alone.

Please leave comment below if so inclined.

For more information on the different kinds of affairs, go to: Break Free From the Affair.

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Healing from Infidelity: What do you tolerate?

September 15, 2008 by 5 Comments

Often the capacity to survive and cope with infidelity means that one finds self tolerating a great deal – often much more than one desires.

I’m creating an e-book on how to deal with these tolerations. I’m also connecting what it is that a person tolerates with the 7 kinds of affairs I outline in “Break Free From the Affair.”

Here is the list of tolerations for one person coping with and attempting to survive infidelity:

— Tolerating the emptiness I feel.

— Tolerating his continued involvement in the hobby where he interacted with the other woman (she’s not there any more, but….).

— Tolerating the fear and doubt about his commitment to our marriage.

— Tolerating the continued use of his Blackberry which was his primary means of interacting with her, though I believe they’re done, I cringe when he’s using the Blackberry.

— Tolerating his touch. I don’t want to push him away or punish him in anyway, and I know that sexual fulfillment is important for both of us… Our sex life was great even during his affair, but now it’s an act of will for me to participate because I feel so used.

Thoughts? Please leave your comments below…. thanks..

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations Tagged With: , ,
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