The Extramarital Affair and Tolerations

September 23, 2008 by 4 Comments

What is tolerated in an extramarital affair by the “offended” spouse or partner?

Do any of these ring true for you? Do you have other tolerations? If so, leave comments below.

List of tolerations from my readers:

>Lying not being able to trust him
>lack of communication
>not showing/admitting his true feelings
>emotional detachment
>hot and cold behavior towards me
>blaming me for the affair
>putting so much energy into new relationship that business is on verge of collapse
>moved out of house, but gets angry when he comes home and something is out of place
>really long phone conversations when suppose to be with me or daughter
>living with the partner,
>having fun with her,
>having both worlds,
>keeping his secret,
>holding on
>Aggression from my husband toward me
>The level of the lying
>The lack of affection toward me
>The feeling that I am tolerated, and he is staying for the sake of the family >The rejection
>silence
>uncertainty (I think she is still contacting him somehow)
>it’s like pulling teeth to get ANYTHING out of her
>mood swings when she does speak, it’s like getting open ended answers
>questioning who i am
>distrust
>analyzing my behavior
>analyzing spouses behavior
>biting my tongue way too often

Want to talk? Ever think about having a coach?

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Healing from Infidelity: What do you tolerate?

September 15, 2008 by 5 Comments

Often the capacity to survive and cope with infidelity means that one finds self tolerating a great deal – often much more than one desires.

I’m creating an e-book on how to deal with these tolerations. I’m also connecting what it is that a person tolerates with the 7 kinds of affairs I outline in “Break Free From the Affair.”

Here is the list of tolerations for one person coping with and attempting to survive infidelity:

— Tolerating the emptiness I feel.

— Tolerating his continued involvement in the hobby where he interacted with the other woman (she’s not there any more, but….).

— Tolerating the fear and doubt about his commitment to our marriage.

— Tolerating the continued use of his Blackberry which was his primary means of interacting with her, though I believe they’re done, I cringe when he’s using the Blackberry.

— Tolerating his touch. I don’t want to push him away or punish him in anyway, and I know that sexual fulfillment is important for both of us… Our sex life was great even during his affair, but now it’s an act of will for me to participate because I feel so used.

Thoughts? Please leave your comments below…. thanks..

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