Marital Infidelity and Past Sexual Trauma

August 10, 2007 by 2 Comments

I’m putting together 18 LIVE REAL TIME coaching sessions with real people facing infidelity.

I guarantee that with one or more of these audio sessions, your ear will hang on every word.

These coaching sessions are that real.

That down to earth.

That practical.

That powerful.

Here’s a coaching summary of a taped Coaching Session with Mike:

Four months ago Mike caught his wife exiting a hotel room with a man. But this was odd: she was ashen white, walking 10 feet in front of the OP and looking terribly disturbed.

After the “affair” she committed to the marriage.

However, it’s been anything but smooth.

She approaches Mike but hits a panic button and bolts away.

Mike agonizes about the future, the well-being of their daughter and what he can do to “make it better.”

A secret from the past sheds light on her unpredictable behavior and raises questions for Mike about his role and the time frame for reconciliation.

————–

Before I offer?my Live taped coaching sessions?to the public, I’ve asked my Newsletter subscribers to listen to them and give feedback.

And, wow, the responses have been mind-blowing.

You hear their story. You hear the struggle. You hear the questions. You follow their story (maybe similar to yours) as it moves to steps of resolution and hope.

I’m going to offer the first 50 people a chance to get a very special offer. By the response I’ve been getting, once they are released, they will be gone.

Please go here to learn more about Mike and sign up to be one of the first 50!

Filed Under: Live Infidelity Coaching Sessions

Infidelity and My Speeding Ticket

June 13, 2007 by 10 Comments

I haven’t shared much of my personal stuff with you…but here it goes. I think it will help all of us.

Last Thursday was a day from h-e-l-l. No, it was worse than that.

First google took my site and pushed it down, down, down on a number of keywords. Bottom line: I lost almost half of new visitors to my site. Another bottom line: my stomach started to turn and I could feel the fear and anger swirling in my chest. I’ve worked so hard building this site and a blankety blank computer swarming robot throws it away!

And, get this… I was taking my daughter home the same day (she’s married with family and helps me with break free) and I got a speeding ticket. My first in more than a decade.

I called my long-time, buddy, colleague, soul-mate, friend and confidant, Jeri Swantack, and she was delighted. No kidding!

She said, “Robert, you are going too fast!”

“No lie, I got a ticket,” I replied.

“That’s not exactly what I meant, she said. Something is telling you to stand back, look around, reorient yourself and move in the direction you REALLY want to go. Chill. It’s time for a break.”

You know what?

She was right.

Looking back over the past few months, I’ve focused on tasks that did not give pleasure, that did not fit who I am, what I’m great at.

I’ve been burning a lot of rubber but not going anywhere.

I’ve lost my direction. I’ve lost me. I’ve lost my connection to that which wants the best for me.

And I thought…

This is exactly what’s at the core of the agony of infidelity or facing an extramarital affair.

You’ve lost your self, your direction. You’ve given all to him/her, what s/he is doing or not doing.

Your life (or lack of it) focuses on what is missing, what isn’t there, what you’re not getting.

And as you do that, you become more and more frantic. You move faster and faster, trying to wring from him/her something that s/he can’t or won’t give.

And your failure to get, keeps you trying harder, trying different strategies – all focused on the pain of losing him/her and/or your dreams – all focused outside your self.

The pain accelerates. You think faster. You feel deeper. But it’s all negative emotions, thoughts and images.

So, I took a couple days off and thought about what I REALLY want.

I had a great lunch with Jeri.

I’ve slowed down.

But, I still must pay my ticket.

Filed Under: Personal stuff

Infidelity Quickie #6: Affair Aftermath – Scrambled Puzzle

May 7, 2007 by 2 Comments

Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.

In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.

I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.

The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one’s spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.

Section 1: The “offended spouse” says:

I have no life. I can’t seem to take care of basic needs that were so easy before. I’m not sure if it’s his intention, but I feel he’s in control of my life. We can’t have a discussion without it turning into an argument. All I wanted was the truth from him. His story about what happen. What he did with her. There are things I know. (I found), there are things he’s told me, and there are things he says. His story doesn’t make sense. I feel like I have pieces to a puzzle, and I can’t put it together. I don’t want to love him anymore. I want to live a basic life again. I wanted a chance to forgive him, and trust him If only he trusted me with the truth.

Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach

Surround yourself with people who affirm you, people you know (intuitively) who give you accurate input.

(You) treat with care the part of you that feels powerless.

Begin to rate your feeling of powerlessness on a scale of 1-10. Notice changes daily or hourly. Note what happens to alter that feeling.

Read my free mini-ebook, “The Need to Know.??

Respect and embrace the part of you that needs things “in order?? and “understood.??

Section 3: What the affair means for the “offended spouse” and what he/she REALLY wants to say to his spouse/partner having the affair:

I would like to have a discussion with you without it turning into an argument. I assume you would like that too.

It seems you have a difficult time dealing with me, especially regarding my need to know. I can understand that. I’m having a hard time dealing with me (said with smile on face.)

I feel like I’ve lost so much. I feel so lost. And, I must find my way through this. I know you can’t do it for me. Although I would appreciate you being there for me in particular ways.

I can’t trust myself anymore. I doubt my gut, I doubt and question what I think. It’s awful. Would you please be willing to acknowledge that with me?

What is your situation? Describe your situation. Let it flow. Don’t hold back. Then, ask yourself, “What does this marital mean for ME?” What impact does his/her extramarital affair have on my feelings, thoughts and actions? Then rehearse approaching your spouse/partner with phrases that convey the meaning and impact of the infidelity for YOU.

Filed Under: Infidelity Quickie
« Previous Page
Next Page »