Tiger Will Cheat Again

Tiger will cheat again.

OK, I promised not to write about Tiger again. But, it’s been probably over a month since I last blogged on his situation.

After getting 2-10 Google alerts on Tiger each day, I can’t resist. And, after all, I’m entitled, am I not?

Here’s my take…

“They” say that Tiger suffers from a strong streak of narcissism. We all have a little narcissism in us, but when it becomes overpowering and directs most thoughts and actions, we have a problem.

Let’s assume Tiger has a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of narcissism.

His sexual acting out would fit nicely into affair #2 of my 7 types of affairs, “I Don’t want to Say No” – after all he felt he was entitled, which is a hallmark of overblown narcissism. He deserved his fun times, right? (Please read the sarcasm.)

Is he sexually addicted? To a degree, most likely, and if so, would fit into affair #3: “I Can’t Say No.”

But, from what I read, for whatever that’s worth, #2 probably fits better. And making the distinction between these two types of affairs is crucial in treatment and any interventions on the part of family, friends, clergy, therapist, etc.

(Please know, without interviewing Tiger, I’m treading on thin ice here. I’m not a know-it-all. The main purpose of this conjecture is to teach about infidelity, using Tiger as an example.)

Fully blow narcissistic people are like M1 Abram Tanks. They drive around seemingly impervious and exceedingly powerful. No way will they lose. They get what they want and expect others to serve their needs. They expect others to mirror back to them there greatness and virility.

And, yet the tank is filled with marshmallows. A gooey amorphous emptiness dwells within. The narcissistic person lacks an inner compass based upon standards, values and purpose that gives meaning beyond him/her self. And without this, the narcissistic person feels extremely empty and hallow.

The narcissistic persons fears that this emptiness will come to light – that s/he will be “found out.”

And so they continue to merrily roll along, running over others (Tom Watson had some comments on Tiger’s lack of golf etiquette), ignoring the needs of others (Elin) until one day…. they are found out.

They are “outed” when they fail or something in their world comes crashing down (Elin had the courage to confront him and expose his narcissistic behavior, and take away his family.)

Once exposed the narcissist feels tremendous humiliation. The emptiness emerges. usually it is only during these times of humiliation that the narcissist expresses remorse.

But, and here’s a big but, the remorse lacks substance – since the narcissist lacks true empathy for others – and is often a ploy to “get others off his/her back” calm things down, so s/he can return to the narcissistic behaviors and illusions s/he has about him/her self.

Confessions often have no staying power. (Perhaps this is why so much is written recently about whether Tiger’s confession was “sincere.”)

Bottom line: Confession may be foreign to him. Apologizing is for others. Tears and remorse are used to get what s/he wants.

Once this infidelity crisis “blows over,” once he gets back on the golf circuit, once the fans begin to adore him for his golf prowess, once he gets used to seeing his children every other weekend (or whatever the arrangement), once sponsors begin courting him again, he will return to cheating.


  1. I have continued to recieve and read articles from your website eventhough my divorce was final last June. Im sure it may seem odd to some, but continuing to educate myself has been part of my healing.

    My ex’s affairs were exactly of this nature. The situation you described above is exactly how my ex conducted himself, and exactly the path his actions followed. The resources here to help determine “what type” of affair has impacted a marriage is so valuable, and so accurate.

    I know many come here as I did, looking for a way to save their marriage. Sometimes there is no solution. The hardest thing I ever did was deciding to end my 20+ year marriage, but your site helped me look at my situation logically and honestly, and sadly realize that no matter what I did, it would never stop.

    My heart goes out to all others who are working through affairs of a narcissistic partner

  2. I agree. Tiger will cheatagain. I was married to a “Tiger” and only when i got over myown Codependancy issues and was strong enough to leave, do I realize how ultimately weak my ex is.

  3. Because my husband is a sex addict, I have researched the topic extensively. While this website characterizes it as a particular “type” of affair. It is actually a combination of not being able to say no, a need to prove desirability, a lack of ability to form intimate relationships along with other factors from the seven types of relationships. It’s a special case that requires a different type of treatment. If Tiger hit his bottom, he will stop. But only then. Typically getting caught is not enough. He will really have to do lots of work healing the underlying issues. As for me, my husband did not get caught. He hit bottom, hard. And he came clean all on his own. He is 16 months sober and is becoming a man of integrity everyday. The changes that have taken place are remarkable so it is possible to recover. Not only is he healing, but so am I and so is our relationship and if nothing else, I am glad that I have learned there is way more to a relationship than just sex. Yes it hurts to be cheated on, but when you finally put it in perspective, it’s not all there is.

  4. i am married to a “tiger” for 19 yrs.can’t help myself and leave him forever.i’m fearful of the consequence.

  5. Being older than my H makes me feel more vulnerable. When I first met my H he could not do enough for me,he told me in order to be together we would have to get married as he is muslim we never lived together but saw each other sporadically. My mother having never met him told me he does not respect me at the time I chose to ignore the signs. He moved in with a friend whereby he started to have repeat affairs one of them was with a friend whom initially flirted with him in french in my house. whenever we would go out with each other he would always flirt as if I was not there. He has many girl friends on the net one of witch he was going to meet I saw the skype text.. I ignored these hoping they would go away in reality I married a repeat cheater. Yes I’ll admit that I became dependent on him as I lost all of my friends.The relationship has dissolved, even his family devise ways in witch to put me down as I’m sure they do not know of his infidelity. He cannot take responsibility, when we are together I pay for everything. When I confront him about his infidelity he goes into a rage there is no communication, there is no marriage. I stay away from him now I don’t phone or communicate, its early days but I am resolute that this is final. I appreciate hearing others stories as I was feeling desperately alone and I thank you for your wisdom. It will be hard to move forward and take a while to make my own life again but there is no going back to a relationship where there is no love or understanding.

  6. After 35 years of marriage, my husband “Tigered out” 3 years ago. Why I did not recognize the stripes of a narcissist for all those years baffles me. Especially since I have a graduate degree in counseling psychology! Duh. Shows you how deep a place is denial. To my knowledge this was the first affair. He and his best friend’s wife got together over a sports activities. Then she began confiding in him about her search for excitement in her 30 year marriage…and so it went. At first I wanted to Save Our Marriage. Problem was that my ex was too humiliated at being found out by our family and friends. He was shocked and ashamed that people knew. Rather than face and make ammends to those he’d hurt, my ex chose to become angry at everyone else for judging him and the OW. Yes. I had yet to realize that narcissism is stronger than vows, than family, than home. That hard truth came down like razors. There were times I thought I could not live through one more day of hurt. Out of sheer desperation I bought “Break Free From The Affair”. I learned my experience was not a unique punishment for whatever I’d done or not done in this life or any other! The more I read of other’s experiences and the nature of an affair, I began to think back, way back…I’d squeezed myself painfully into knots to fit into our relationship for 35 years. Epiphany! I had volunteered for the job! I’d participated in this strange dance out of perserverence, and now was my golden moment to wake up and RUN FOR MY LIFE!

  7. It’s been a year since I accidentally found txt messages on my husbands phone. He denied anything was going on. “Two txt messages and you are making a big deal!” I had never even dreaned to answer or look @ my husband’s phone; we were out of town and it was an unusual situation. I learned after looking @ the phone records, there were thousands more txts, phone calls, lunch and I strongly suspect visits to her apt on my school nights. He still lies, has not admitted anything until faced with the facts. I confessed I felt sabotaged and that I could not concentrate at school anymore because of my anxiety over the past. He swore he never went to her apt. on my school nights; they onlly stayed home and texted. I checked the phone records against my school schedule and the exact opposite is true. No contact on school nights, except maybe 1 or two txts to arrange arrival time I suspect. After being faced by a friend whom he admitted his affair to tell me the truth. He denied and says he was there 2 times. Once for drinks; he was nervous and left; the second time they had sex (everything but intercourse), cause he could not do it. He left in shame. But, they decided to move on, forget the embarrassing incident and continue to obsessively text and spend time together. I say it doesn’t matter if iit was 2 times or 500, it was an affair and a serious one at that. He readily admits that, but then says he did not care about her at all and has never seen her nor wishes to see her since I found out. I think he is sorry he got caught and that is it. He cannot tell the truth. I talked with his girlfriend who denied everything, then said; well I don’t know why you are surprised he has a girlfriend, you should have figured it out a long tome ago when he had his girlfriends at another place of employment, (before he met her). He worked his way up teh ladder to success and now young girls are attractedto his power. He does not want to say no. He says he wants transparency, but he has an e-mail linked w/ another so I cannot really see truths. He is very good at his lying and computer skils and I suspect has been doing this a long time. I don’t expect big changes now.

  8. I am so glad to have this web site to get through this tough time! After the past year of finding out about my husbands affair, leaving him & going back to reconcile I have now filed for divorce & made him leave our home. We have 2 young children & have been together for 20 years (married 14). This has got to be the hardest thing for me to stick with but I know he is not going to change because of his narcissistic behavior. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Thank you for this site & these comments to help me keep things in perspective.

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