Archives for September 2008

The Marital Affair and Your Rage

What do you do with your anger/rage?

Do you feel it? Do you think it? Do you plot devious scenarios in your mind to “get even?”

Do you express it? Do you keep it buried deep within? Does it come out around the edges – short with children, loved ones, kick the dog, etc?

Are you fearful of expressing directly to your cheating husband or wife the intensity of your anger/rage? …Fearful that your anger/rage will only inflame the situation or drive him/her to the other person and away from you?

Does your anger/rage wear away at you, internally? Do you suffer physical symptoms of this internal churning? Have you noticed the tightness in your muscles, in your body? Do you feel the knot in your stomach? Do you experience other physical discomfort as if your body is crying out to you for some sort of relief?

What to do with the rage, the anger???

Well, watch this video and leave your comments. Do you approve of this means? Do you find it humorous? Do you find it cathartic? Do you wish it is something you could do? Do you think it’s harmful? or helpful? Have you done it? If so, what has happened.

I’m not suggesting you do this. However, watching it might enable you to touch that anger in you and decide how best to cope with it.

Or…. you might just get a good laugh out of it…

Infidelity, Curiosity and Protecting Your Spouse

Should you confront the other person? This scenario describes the husband attempting to protect his wife. What do you think? Leave a comment.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I thought they were just phoning each other but I wanted to know the inside story so I called him.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

He told me ” I did your wife.” He tried to create that wedge between us. It did not work. I knew it was he who sought after her due to the numerous incoming calls and the fact she called me several times afterwards due to guilt. Our relationship is stronger now. I am going to stop working away from home and stay home to watch for these predators. He wanted to move in and take over my home.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Yes. I would stay home and work in our area and pay more attention to her activities and callers. She was just curious and found out there are vast numbers of cheaters out their who prey on lonely women.

Coach’s Comments:

1. I wonder from where the curiosity emerged. What was behind that? My experience tells me that many who had little sexual experience before marriage at some point experience that curiosity. (I’m not condoning sexual experimentation before marriage!) That curiosity is fairly normal. However, it is one thing to have it and another to act on it.

2. His act of calling the OP seems to be an act of protection. He seemed to know that she was vulnerable and limited in her capacity to set boundaries. Does she somehow lack the internal mechanisms to set boundaries or is there a naivety regarding relationships, especially those with the opposite sex?

3. He seems to assume his role as protector and she also likes him protecting her. This balance and agreement in the relationship might work fairly well. However, it will be tested frequently. If the two of them have a conscious awareness of their roles, they could ward off future problems.

Infidelity Tactic: Don’t Say “I Love You”

Upon discovery, it is often common for the “offended” spouse to profess his/her love, hoping that will somehow stop the affair and save the marriage. Often, just the opposite occurs.

Listen to this video on why it is important to refrain from saying, “I Love You.”