1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

She is my husband’s assistant. He had an affair with a co-worker in their plant in Mexico for a year.

The asst. found out and was jealous she wanted to be the one he was having an affair with, the worst part is, she is also my neighbor. I found texts to my husband and lost it. the affair in Mexico was over 4 months ago. His assistant tried to be friends to both of us which I later found out all she wanted to get from me was my weak points and find out what was going on….

My husband is not interested and is still trying to make up to me for the whole Mexico thing. However this assistant of his started ignoring me. She even texted me a nasty message that they were only friends and I have issues of jealousy and trust….

I lost it. Showed them to my husband who FINALLY, WOKE UP. I finally told her that although they work together and I have little control over that ( now) she needs to understand the boundaries. She decided she should tell me off. I told my husband and he was very upset he took care of the situation the first thing he got into work the next day….

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

Getting over the affair is hard enough without finding out that other people are involved. She knew he was having this affair and claims to be my friend yet she never told me.

The outcome is – I am trying really hard to forgive and move on. We have alot of love. I believe humans make mistakes , I believe all marriages are difficult at some point but how you choose to handle them. Well that’s an individual choice.. I think I am handling it okay ;)

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

No. I was afraid for a long time to confront people even girls that have put themselves in my husbands life, for fear of him being mad at me……

20 years and 2 teenagers later I now feel I deserve to be treated fairly with love and loyalty and if he feels differently then he needs to be man enough to say i want out ! I am no longer “keeping the peace” which is how I was raised as a good catholic girl. I have two daughters, what would I be teaching them?

Coach’s comments:

Notice the theme and pattern in her life – of being the nice catholic girl who was the peacemaker – sometimes to the detriment of her well-being and integrity.

This sounds like a tremendous growth experience for her. She recognized the pattern, was probably suffering in silence, at times, for years. She was able to muster the courage to change the pattern.

And, yes, the walls didn’t fall down and the apocalypse did not occur.

And, I bet her husband feels tremendous relief and smiles, now that he realizes he is married to a person who will state her position, allow herself to be known – allowing him to engage HER, while respecting him at the same time.

And, her daughters are able given more choices as they watch their mother blossom.

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