Archives for July 2008

The Affair – An Opportunity of a Lifetime

Whether you are in an affair, or have learned that your spouse or partner is or was in one, whether you know it or not, you have just been presented with a great gift. How can an affair, with all its confusing and painful attending thoughts and emotions, be a great gift?

An affair is often a trigger, a catalyst, for some of the most meaningful personal growth, change and expansion you will experience in your life because it creates an opportunity for you to look within and ask yourself some important questions. Questions like:

*How did I get here (in whatever role you play in the triangle of the affair)?

*What is it I am really looking for? Is this affair going to get me there? How?

*What is the cost to me of not changing? To those around me?

*Who am I really? What is that motivates me? What is behind my choices?

*Why am I here, right now, in this moment, and beyond this
moment?

*What is that I hold nearest and dearest to my heart, and soul?

*How can I be more of that?

It is through the asking of these deep questions that we discover some of the most profound truths about who we are and why we are showing up in our relationships the way we are. These truths then lead us to a life that has the opportunity for more and more unbounded joy, satisfaction and love. That is something I call a great gift!

If you want to explore some of these questions, and others, contact Jeryl and schedule some personal coaching sessions. She will help you dive into these questions and discover some really cool stuff about you and what you really want! Jeryl specializes in coaching and guiding those of you who want to make deep, personal and lasting changes in your life by asking and finding answers to the questions that touch our innermost being.

Give yourself the great gift contained in the affair and launch yourself into a new life, one rich with adventure, experience and personal enlightenment.

Affair Pain – Healing and Surviving Your Pain and Hurt

Watch this recent video that helps you identify YOUR specific strengths that will enable you to move more quickly and efficiently through the suffering and anguish you encounter with the infidelity.

Infidelity Dicovered: Death Without Dying – Part 7

This is last part of the “Death Without Dying” series.

Again, these are the powerful words of my friend who coming home from a business trip was greeted at the door by his wife who said, “I’ve met someboy. I’m leaving you.”

Absorb his journey…

“I’ve met somebody. I’m leaving you.” I don’t want to be the victim. And those around me will want to give me that position, like I’ve earned it or deserve it. It is a special place and sure as hell beats being the villain. But in my quest to control, to heal, to observe and create positive outcomes from this devastation, will I find my own guilt? Where have I acted without integrity or inconsistently with my values? What was my role in driving her not only into the arms, but the house of another man? Can I apologize with integrity to start a process of reparation? If I find my guilt, or if it finds me, can I forgive myself?

Can the torrent of pain be controlled with building dams and levees? Without the levee breaks causing floods of resentment, depression or resignation? Let me grieve my sorrow out and avoid the high emotional debt and interest penalty of the fog of depression that settles in just off shore. Can I focus on being effective and not worry about saving face?

Betrayal. Because I’m confused, I find it easy to interpret rather than identify and validate my hot and perpetual emotions. And this keeps the brain chewing this bone non-stop, trying to rationalize, trying to understand the irrational and inexplicable.

Can the world of possibilities be reopened? Can the possible replace the obligations, implied and inherited and a legacy. When anger pulls into the station will it pull resentment as its caboose? When it does, can forgiveness rush out to meet it? Can we be clear that forgiveness is not absolution of bad choices, bad decisions, wrong turns? Can it be a gentleman of integrity and truth and not a pretender? Am I strong enough to commit to living in this present moment?

“I’ve met somebody. I’m leaving you.” When I let go of it, will it let go of me? Will I ever find the freedom to respond openheartedly to any loss, to any love, to any dream? Will it mean denial of the grief or the pain? When who I am is who I was, where does this leave the who I’m going to be?

Cold. Dark. A heaviness on an empty chest. Buried in grief. Waiting through the mourning for morning.