What do people tolerate in affairs. Here’s response to my question:
What are the 5 top things you presently are tolerating or putting up with as you face infidelity?
1. Multiple daily text messages back and forth between my wife and OP. 2. Occasional long phone calls from my wife to the OP on her cell phone. 3. Wife trip to California to see OP (old boyfriend from 30 years ago), (we live in Rocky Mountain West).
4. Anger directed at me for not being as sensitive and emotionally supportive to my wife as OP, and no matter what I do, it is not enough. 5. Not connecting much with my wife because she is getting so much more emotional support from the OP.
1. living apart from my spouse as he is trying to figure things out, seeing the other woman, I’m dealing with contact from him and the promise, of “maybe, down the road” we can be together again…..kind of like Chinese Water Torture.
2. I have contact (phone calls, emails – we are living in separate cities) with him daily, unless, he is with her – she doesn’t know he still is in contact with me, so, I’m not allowed to contact him on these “weekends” unless its an emergency
3. I’m still in disbelief that this has actually happened, things in our marriage “seemed” to be great, plans were made….I can’t fall out of love with him, even though I think I should (and so does everyone else)
4. When we were living together, he would excuse himself and call “her”. The time he is with “her”, he doesn’t maintain contact with me, but he “has” to take her never-ending phone calls
5. I seem to be in this “limbo” stage, my heart will not let me move on, but my “mind” is telling me to move on.
I am in shock that there are women and men actually, for lack of a better word, “sharing” their husbands or wives with the OP. If my situation gets to that stage, he will be out of my house and he will not come back. I let my husband know that I was not going to tolerate him visiting with her either at her home or in our business anymore. It was a huge fight, but I let him know that it was either that, or he could leave immediately. I can’t stop him from sneaking around behind my back, but my territory is MINE!!!
This is akin to domestic violence, where the spouse has a difficult time leaving.
Hi Chris,
Are you speaking of my situation or the posted blog?
About 10 years ago, my husband, who was then 47, became obsessed with his physical strength. He worked out at the gym 3 days a week, then joined a team of competetive canoe paddlers whose practice sessions took up another 3 days of the week. He gradually became more interested in his sports activity than in our home, family and marriage. About 3 years ago, the wife of a close friend joined the canoe team; she began confiding in my husband that her husband ignored her, and did not satisfy her needs. My husband felt “sorry” for her; the rest is predictable. It has been 1.5 years since I discovered my husband of 37 years was having an affair. Infidelity has never been an issue in the history of our marriage. I never in a thousand years could have predicted this from him. Since that time, he’s lost most of his old friends. He moved back in to our home for a few months, but refused to resign from the canoe club where the OW continued her presence. He then moved out again. He says that the break up of our marriage was not due to the OW (though he can’t stop seeing her). He blames the situation on our relationship; that we are not interested in the same activities. He was so unhappy that he could not live the adventurous life, that he had to leave the marriage. Well, he is still not happy, has lost respect and any relationship w/ our 2 adult children, as well as extended family. I have known this man for 40 years of my life. At times he is not an easy going man, and I’ve always been philosophical about his temper tantrums. My kids tell me I’m better off without him. The logical part of me agrees, but in the back of my mind I wish he could learn to cope with life like the rest of us. As in grow up old man! I bought the online book, which helped to identify the type of affair, and strive to “charge neutral”. I don’t hit the mark at times, but I keep trying. My husband now rents a room in a 2 bedroom house, and I continue to live in our home. :) Thanks for letting me write this out. ~~Chris