An affair dramatically alters one’s world. Thoughts, feelings, expectations and the issue of trust become paramount.
Read what some describe as the changes the affair has made in their life:
1. Preoccupation with comparing myself with others.
2. Spend time watching a computer tracking system looking for activities 3. Insecurity of being myself.
4. Fear of not doing what activities spouse wants to do worrying about what he’ll get into with my presence.
5. My husband had an affair with a woman who lives out of state, so much of their communication was via email and phone. Although he assures me that he has not heard from her since June, I still catch myself wondering about things when his cell phone rings or when he spends too much time on the computer.
6. Since the affair, I now feel that I am somehow in competition with “her” and with other women in general. I am sure most of it is in my head, but I hate feeling this way.
7. Because my husband told so many lies during the affair, I find myself constantly wondering if he is telling the truth now. Although I have no reason to think he is lying now, I guess once bitten twice shy. I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about back then either!
8. Since the affair, I have noticed one positive thing. Because I did spend 6 months on my own in an apartment, I know that I am more than capable of providing for myself and my two-year-old son. I no longer have that “dependency” on my husband that I felt just prior to our break-up.
That sounds like what I feel above. At the beginning of August I found out my husband of 20 years has been having an affair with someone very close to me, not only was she one of my best friends but she is also my brothers wife!! My world has fallen apart, I have chosen to stay with my husband but its early days yet, still talking about what has happened. I had accused them 2 years ago and many other times but they both denied it, all my family suspected too and they still denied it, then it came too much for my husband and he told me. Its such a long story really but thats an overview of why I read this site.
I felt like I was reading my own thoughts when I read what you had gone through and what you are feeling. I just found out less than a month ago that my husband has been cheating on me with a woman in another town. She doesn’t know about me and he doesn’t want to tell her on the phone, that she is innocent in this and he doesn’t want to ruin her Christmas. We have two boys and I don’t want to ruin their Christmas either but I am losing my mind in anticipation for the confrontation. He doesn’t want me to be there and says he doesn’t want me to call her. He will leave for sure and since I am still so raw and he hasn’t seen her since I found out I am at the moment going with his ‘plan’. I wish she would just show up or call me or something but we have an unlisted phone number and without my’help’ I don’t know how to get this whole thing over with. I found out because I found receipts and a cell phone bill and he admitted to it. After that I just went crazy with the search engines and anything I could to find out every detail about her and him. And with Christmas coming up I don’t know how I will explain my weight loss to family members without them figuring it all out. Like I said he is still here and at the moment we are getting along except when I need to talk about things or try to get some kind of ‘date’ for when he is going to end it with her or me. He says he loves me and that I didn’t deserve this but I wasnt’ innocent either. I admit I wasn’t a good wife all the time. I just can’t get over his lies and betrayals. I don’t trust myself either. I trusted him and gave him all I had of myself and I ended up getting my heart ripped out. As much as he thinks I will go out and have a ‘revenge’ affair I don’t think I could purposely hurt him and put this kind of pain in his heart. Sorry my response was so long but it helps to get the pain out. Take care and know that unfortunately and fortunately you are not alone.