What is tolerated in an extramarital affair by the “offended” spouse or partner?
Do any of these ring true for you? Do you have other tolerations? If so, leave comments below.
List of tolerations from my readers:
>Lying not being able to trust him
>lack of communication
>not showing/admitting his true feelings
>emotional detachment
>hot and cold behavior towards me
>blaming me for the affair
>putting so much energy into new relationship that business is on verge of collapse
>moved out of house, but gets angry when he comes home and something is out of place
>really long phone conversations when suppose to be with me or daughter
>living with the partner,
>having fun with her,
>having both worlds,
>keeping his secret,
>holding on
>Aggression from my husband toward me
>The level of the lying
>The lack of affection toward me
>The feeling that I am tolerated, and he is staying for the sake of the family >The rejection
>silence
>uncertainty (I think she is still contacting him somehow)
>it’s like pulling teeth to get ANYTHING out of her
>mood swings when she does speak, it’s like getting open ended answers
>questioning who i am
>distrust
>analyzing my behavior
>analyzing spouses behavior
>biting my tongue way too often
Want to talk? Ever think about having a coach?
I find myself tolerating his indecision. He says that he is confused and does not know how to proceed after I found out about and emotional affair with OW. The OW put a stop to it (for now).
I am not a patient person, I found out about infidelities 2 years ago, but stuff that had happened in the past. This is the first time I´m confronted with this situation upclose, and my feeling is I should end this marriage. I do not know if waiting for him is what I am supposed to do, if he ever feel for me again, or I´m just wasting my time.
>Lying not being able to trust him
>lack of communication
>not showing/admitting his true feelings
>emotional detachment
>hot and cold behavior towards me
>blaming me for the affair
>moved out of house, but gets angry when he comes home and something is out of place
>having fun with her,
>Aggression from my husband toward me
>The level of the lying
>The lack of affection toward me
All of the above fit the situation I find myself in. My Husband had gastric bypass surgery 2 yrs about this 10/11. He lost 185 lbs. Looks and feels great. I never “saw” him at his top wt of 400. I ‘saw’ the 225 lb man I married 26 yrs ago. Now he is laying blame on me. Saying we haven’t been good for years. Blaming our sex life, saying I should have seen the signs he wasn’t happy with me. He used to brag to his buddies about our sex life. After 26 yrs, it was not…”I cannot be bothered or I wish he would leave me alone”. It was hot, it was good. Not 100% of the time, but nothing like what other couple friends complain about. Now he is saying he is unhappy. There is an OW. I believe he is unhappy with himself, not me. But they say you hurt the one you love the most. He has pushed me away, moved out. Wants a divorce. I have asked him to seek counseling with someone versed in the GB surgery. He won’t leave the OW alone. Everyone has advised him to, even his mom. He cannot pass his “algebra test” while studying “spanish”. He cannot fix us or give us a chance if he has his head up her butt. He filled the void food filled in his life with the OW. I feel it is a mid-life crisis at 46 yrs old. She won’t back off either. I have asked them both to stop. Small town, she works for town. Word is now getting out around town and he is looking real bad and is now trying to make me take some of the blame. Real mess. Nightmare I cannot wake up from. I don’t need him, I want him, I want my marriage. I meant my vows when I said them in front of him, our family, friends and GOD.
I tolerated him still talking to the other woman, calling her, and now he put a car in his name and she’s driving it (he claims she is paying it off). Actually that was that last straw. I told him the car has to go and he is refusing because “she needs it”..he doesn’t care what i need jut what she needs.
level of lying and being not affectionate towards me. evasive when asked details of the A which would help me heal. have a sense that they are still in contact though she the OW has relocated to London to be with her betrayed husband. he did find out about the A I told him via e-mail. we were neighbours.