Recreating the Trust You Lost in Your Marriage After Infidelity

June 28, 2012 by 2 Comments

Probably one of the biggest issues that couples have to face once infidelity becomes a part of their relationship is how to rebuild the trust that they’ve lost in each other. So what can they do fix that?

Victims of infidelity ask if it’s possible for them to be able to trust their partners the way they used to before the affair, and they wonder if they will ever be able to just relax around their partners and not be suspicious or doubtful regarding their partners’ actions.

Rebuilding or restoring lost trust after infidelity is not an easy thing to do, but one of the things that could help you get through it is to change the things that you want to happen in your life post infidelity and how you see the situation that you are in apart from your partner.

What do you think would it take for you to trust your partner again? Or better yet, to trust him in a different way? Communicate these things to your partner and let him or her know what you are going through. If both of you decide that you want to stay in the relationship and try to make it work, then both of you should make a conscious effort to decide what it would take for both of you to rebuild the trust you lost.

During this time, it’s easy to focus on the negative things that have happened like the lying, betrayal and the actual cheating itself. And although these things shouldn’t be ignored, you shouldn’t concentrate all your energy on them and try to focus your thoughts on the things that are happening around you, the things that need to happen in your relationship, and the things that you want to happen for yourself as well.

It may seem like the hardest possible thing for you to do right now but it’s important that you do it to be aware of the reality of what is happening to you, your partner and your relationship at this very moment. What if you begin to feel that your partner may be having another affair? Will you be able to handle it is he or she is? And is this betrayal something that you can go through all over again? Are you going to tolerate this behavior from your partner?

Decide what you want for yourself and where you draw the line on things that you will put up with. Discuss with your partner the boundaries you need to have in your relationship and stand by the things you want and need for yourself.

It’s time that you think of the possibilities that you have in your life, and decide whether you want those possibilities or not.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Simple Ways That You Can Build Trust In Your Marriage

June 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Trust in another person is very hard to gain,  but once you have it, it can be the best thing in the world. So what are the easiest ways you can do build and develop the trust you and your partner have in each other and in your marriage?

Here are just some of the many things you can try:

1. It’s important for you, when it comes to building trust in your relationship, to continue to do or say the things that you did when your relationship began as it goes on. This continuity or consistency will be something that your partner will sort of depend on because he or she will be able to know or expect what you will do in a given situation.

2. Never make any sudden changes, especially in your individual or personal life, without letting your partner know about them. Changes that appear out of the blue especially in your behavior and actions tend to cause doubt and suspicion, and put a dent in your partner’s trust in you.

3. The saying “actions speak louder than words” is very apt in building trust in a relationship. Saying one thing but doing something different is one of the main causes of distrust in any relationship. It also sends the message that you are unreliable and dishonest, which aren’t good qualities in a partner.

4. Never underestimate your partner. Sometimes, when you deal with crises or problems in your life, you usually keep it from your partner because you want to “protect” him or her from it, but this usually backfires. What you see as “protection” usually translates as mistrust to your partner, like you think that he or she is incapable of handling whatever it is that you are going through.

5. Keeping things from your partner, whatever those things may be, is something that should be done with plenty of caution. Most people in relationships believe that everything should be shared between the couple, that there shouldn’t be any secrets, and any information left out is something to be suspicious of.

6. People believe that the only way to nourish or nurture a relationship is to provide your partner’s needs continually, but this is only true to a certain level. Just as it is important for you to provide your partner’s needs, it is also important that your partner provides yours. So make sure that you let your partner know what those needs are. Building trust means knowing that both of you will be there to provide what the other needs.

7. Allow yourself time for self-discovery and reflection. Knowing yourself well is just as important as knowing your partner. Giving yourself time to learn who you truly are will allow you to discover things that you probably never knew. And all the things you find out about yourself, you can share with your partner so that he or she too can know more about you.

8. Allow yourself to say no. There are a lot of people who will ask a lot of things from you, even your partner. Saying no doesn’t always mean that you don’t want to help or that you are a bad person. Saying no means that you are choosing to do something for yourself rather than for another person.

9. Being able to charge neutral in cases of infidelity will benefit you greatly in the long run. Charging neutral means that you keep being consistent in your communication with your partner, you tell him or her what you’re feeling about a certain situation honestly and directly, and you don’t react by bursting whenever you hear something you don’t like or don’t agree with.

10. Do not stray away from a little conflict in your relationship. Avoiding confronting your problems or concerns tend to lead to resentment and is never good for relationships. Although fights are always ugly, sometimes they are necessary for the relationship to be able to function properly.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Consistency: Building Trust in Your Relationship

April 19, 2012 by 3 Comments

There is plenty of advice being put out there regarding building trust in your relationship. Most of it is true and helpful, but a lot of it won’t do you any good.

Here is one piece of advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent. A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, and they don’t want to be stuck in a rut. And although this is true enough in most situations, they also don’t want to be shocked or caught by surprise by sudden changes in your behavior all the time as well.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to expect or predict how you will react or respond to whatever situation that might go your way.

Sudden changes in your behavior – losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently – these things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening, and end up destroying the trust in your relationship.

You may think that being consistent means being predictable, which is something that everyone does not want to be. But consistent doesn’t always have to mean predictable, and predictable doesn’t always have to mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive, but be all of that consistently.

It may seem to be one of those “too good to be true, cure all” steps to fixing a marriage that you read everywhere all the time. And yes, it is such a simple answer to a complex issue, but it does work. Being consistent in the way you are when it comes to your husband or wife is one of the simplest ways that you can build and develop the trust in your relationship.

Filed Under: Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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