Coping with Infidelity: Not Alone in Tolerations

Not sure whether to stay or go?

Not sure how much you can tolerate, but find yourself putting up with much?

Feel weird, strange, like you are a little crazy for being where you are?

Fear not. You are not alone.

Because of your investment in your family and relationship, you most likely will tolerate more than you thought.

Note this list of what others coping with infidelity tolerate:

1. My husband lies to me constantly about phones calls, money, cell phone messages, his relationships with other women. I can’t trust him anymore. 2. Poor money management, he doesn’t pay his fair share of the financial responsibilities and he makes more money than I do. Is it because he is giving money to the other women>? 3. When I find out about yet another indiscretion, he try make me feel like it is my fault, like I did something wrong. 4. My husband doesn’t any show remorse. 5. He doesn’t recognize how his choices have impacted our life.

1) Text messages and the giggles that follow. 2) coming home late. 3) The voice in the background especially when she is alone in her car. 4) hostility. 5) The fact that she knows that she is taking advantage of me but does not care.

Spouse continuing with the affair. Talking/messaging on cell phone and admitting that he is doing it. Sending presents every month. Anger, when I raise the issue of him moving out. Constant rejection in that fact that he sleeps in the other bedroom.

privately talking on cellphones deleted text message and call history always out everyday sometimes very late no time for home and unaware of it

1. Denying that he is having an affair. 2. Having 2 cellphones. One I know about and the other one I’m not suppose to know about. 3. When I call him on his cell phone, he takes a while to answer. His excuse is his phone was charging. 4. He will not admit that he is cheating. 5. He had a number of blocked numbers on his cell phone bill. I found out the numbers but he never admitted that he was cheating. 5. He uses the pay phone to call hi women.

Infidelity and What is Tolerated

Living with infidelity or the aftermath of infidelity can be hell (hope the word doesn’t offend you here, but it often seems an appropriate word for infidelity.)

The need to hold the marriage, family, children, lifestyle together is so strong for some that they tolerate or put up with a great deal.

I’m researching what is put up with and working toward strategies and tactics to break free and put up with less.

Here’s a question and responses:

1. What are the 5 top things you presently are tolerating or putting up with as you face infidelity?

>>>>>manipulation of money, his ability to lead a carefree life, irresponsibility, immaturity, disrespectful language towards others

>>>>>Texting He has a baby with her…visiting her. leaving without telling me where he is going He pays for her cell phone his coldness

>>>>>dishonesty after 33 years of marriage is horrible, not being able to trust your wife when she looks you in the eye and lies to your face about her affair being either the emotional or physical aspect.

>>>>>no more I love yous, no more sex, ignoring me, telling me he doesn’t think we are compatible, telling me I trapped him, this isn’t his first affair, he has had at least 3 that I know of, he says he’s here for the kids.

>>>>>always puts me down lumps me in with other people always on computer keeps phone and purse close by accuses of being nosy doesn’t return love

>>>>>Continued contact by email and Ichat with the op. Continued small details that connect her to him like her keeping up a blog – something he is really into and something she never was before. the fact she has poured herself into work since “stopping all contact”with him – working later….(he lives in another city). Wondering what is really going on in life, feeling like her second choice and only because of his distance that our marriage has survived at all.

>>>>>1)Putting up with his response of:”It had nothing to do with you, it was me” 2)Putting up “I don’t remember” when questions are asked. 3) When he doesn’t want to respond he gets angry and thinks I’m just going to walk away so he won’t have to answer. 4)Never ever believing I will ever trust again since he has had multiple affairs with no intercourse 5)Tolerating that he says he loves me but I just really don’t know. Told me often but look what he has done over and over again.

Want to talk to others about what you put up with and how you want to break free? Visit the chat room.

The Extramarital Affair and Tolerations

What is tolerated in an extramarital affair by the “offended” spouse or partner?

Do any of these ring true for you? Do you have other tolerations? If so, leave comments below.

List of tolerations from my readers:

>Lying not being able to trust him
>lack of communication
>not showing/admitting his true feelings
>emotional detachment
>hot and cold behavior towards me
>blaming me for the affair
>putting so much energy into new relationship that business is on verge of collapse
>moved out of house, but gets angry when he comes home and something is out of place
>really long phone conversations when suppose to be with me or daughter
>living with the partner,
>having fun with her,
>having both worlds,
>keeping his secret,
>holding on
>Aggression from my husband toward me
>The level of the lying
>The lack of affection toward me
>The feeling that I am tolerated, and he is staying for the sake of the family >The rejection
>silence
>uncertainty (I think she is still contacting him somehow)
>it’s like pulling teeth to get ANYTHING out of her
>mood swings when she does speak, it’s like getting open ended answers
>questioning who i am
>distrust
>analyzing my behavior
>analyzing spouses behavior
>biting my tongue way too often

Want to talk? Ever think about having a coach?