Infidelity in Marriages: Getting Out of Being Stuck in the Middle

June 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The 7th type of affair from the e-book Break Free from the Affair focuses a lot on the confusion that your partner brings into the situation.

“I want to be close to Someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” usually is marked by the confusion that results from your partner’s lack of certainty about what he wants to do, or which relationship he wants to pursue. This usually leaves both you and the other person stuck until your partner makes a decision, which is probably not going to happen any time soon, if it ever happens at all.

Your partner is confused because he doesn’t want to have the stability and comfort he gets from your marriage, but on the other hand, he wants to explore the other relationship as well because it gives him a kind of freedom that he doesn’t get from you. or maybe he doesn’t want to let go of the marriage because he sees it as a real and significant part of his life, but sees the other relationship to have the potential to be that as well.

Just like you and other person, your partner is stuck and doesn’t know which direction to take, so he ends up not moving at all. So rather than make an effort to think of He chooses to not choose between you and the other person because it is easier for him to do so.

It is important that you avoid getting stuck with your partner, or in case you already are, to get out of being stuck. The best way to do this is by identifying the things you want for you, apart from your partner and what he wants, and try to pick it apart and be specific about why you want these things. By doing so, you will learn a lot more about yourself and where you see yourself going in the future.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Real-Life Infidelity Stories: Getting Over Feeling “Controlled”

May 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

This real-life situation is from a woman who feels controlled by her husband.

It’s been difficult for me ever since I found out about my husband’s affair, especially because I’ve been trying to get him to tell me the details of what happened between him and her but he just won’t talk to me about it. Now, every time we try to have a conversation about anything, it turns into an argument. We just don’t communicate the way we used to anymore. I’ve been trying to piece together all the things he said with the things I found out and nothing makes sense. His stories don’t match up. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m trying to understand and forgive him, but he won’t even tell me the truth. To be honest, I’m getting really fed up with what’s happening. I don’t want to be in love with him anymore. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I feel like he’s controlling me and I just want my life back.

Here are a few things that were suggested for her to focus on:

1. Why do you think that you need to know the details of his affair? Do you think that it will help you cope more or move on faster? Dig deep into the reasons behind your need to know.

2. Try to understand why your partner is so hesitant in telling you what you want to know. Is he doing it for any specific reason?

3. Acknowledge this feeling of powerlessness. When does it usually occur? Rate it on a scale of 1-10. When is it the strongest? What happens that makes you feel powerless? When is it the weakest? Try to pinpoint when it happens and when it isn’t there.

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Real-Life Affair Situations: Changing Depression to Hope

May 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are plenty of different stories, situations and scenarios that are encountered during one-on-one coaching sessions. In one of them, a client spoke about her infidelity crisis where she says that she feels like her depressions caused her husband to have an affair because he was having a hard time living with it. Her depression was so strong that sometimes she wouldn’t go out of the house for days and days, and she would only focus on what her husband was feeling and how he was treating her. She has been trying to work through her depression and move past it, and trying to figure out what she wants for herself and her marriage but she still hasn’t decided whether or not she wants to stay in the marriage. She still lives with her husband in their home, but she hasn’t really committed to anything yet.

You will see that she’s come a long way from being depressed and having her world revolve around her husband. The affair has opened her eyes to a lot of opportunities. She views this experience as well as all her past experiences as her chance to help other people who are going through what she went through, and she is figuring out a way that she can do that. Her focus has changed from only her husband to a bigger picture, and although she sees that her husband is making changes in his life, it isn’t enough for her. She’s decided that if he isn’t ready or willing to give her what she needs from him, that it will be better for them to be apart, and she is ready to move forward with her life.

You see, even the seemingly worst situations can have good endings. And if you see yourself going through the same in your relationship, here are a few things you can do to help you:

1. If your partner isn’t making the changes you were hoping for, let him know what you want to happen and be specific about he changes you want from him. Which of your personal needs should he focus on?

2. If you find yourself having a hard time committing to a decision regarding your relationship, take some time to reflect on why you think that is happening. Are there any particular reasons why you don’t want to make a decision? Think of what you really want to happen in your life and in your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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