The infidelity or blatant flaunting of the infidelity may be a marker that the marriage is over.

The act of infidelity or an affair is an act of disrespect, for self, for family and for spouse. It truly is a poor choice in attempting to meet personal needs or send a message to the spouse.

Most infidelity is a flailing attempt to deal with patterns in one’s life and strong unrecognized personal needs. Once an awareness emerges of those patterns or the person discovers that the flailing is in vain, they begin the learning and maturation process.

Some just don’t “get it.” And… it’s time to move on.

A scenario:

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?

Saying the affair is over, but also he is not giving up his friend. He sees no reason to give up his friend and she is also married. In fact, my husband, his mistress and her husband all work in the same office. My husband is the company head. Telling everyone else that there is nothing going on between them. Very defensive when I ask him to choose. Says I am giving ultimatums to which he does not subscribe. Says he is comfortable with the way his life is going and I should do whatever I want, because it would make no difference. Split up our bank account and said that I have to take care of myself from now on. Now that I am taking care of myself, he is now angry that I am doing so. Says that I am behaving that I can do without him. Mocks me when I try to have a discussion about about our marriage. Refuses to talk about what is bothering him. This has been going on for 4 years.

2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?

I separated form him. He did not make any attempts to resolve the matter, so i filed for a divorce. I took back my life and I am now in graduate school, forging a new path for myself.