Infidelity Discovery: Like a Frog in Boiling Water

June 15, 2009 by 1 Comment

Discovering infidelity in one’s marriage can be a surreal experience.

This readers expresses her journey in coping with infidelity:

I have been the frog in water that doesn’t realize that the water is boiling until it is too late. I know that I can’t change him, but I also know the man he was before all of this started. He has been having the rage/revenge affair. She has lied to him over and over about me, because she was also my best friend. She is a widow and has two children to support. She has played on his sympathies. He doesn’t see the truth, and I can’t make him see the truth. I have been charging neutral ever since I read your book and it has helped tremendously. I made so many mistakes in the beginning, that I can’t even begin to count them. The pain of this double betrayal has been my undoing. It has put me in a position that I never could have ever imagined for my life and the life of my child. Ever since I stood up to him that night, there have been no more confrontations at all. I confronted him with proof positive and it shocked him to the core. I know that he continues to communicate with her, but not on the same level as before. There are other things that I did not tell you before either. She physically attacked me one night in our business because they were both drunk and I told them that it was time to go home. He defended her and tried to physically throw me out of here. I took a good beating. I should have called the police, but I felt sorry for my daughter and her kids. (My daughter witnessed the entire scene.) I left of my own accord, because I felt sorry for my daughter. I should have left then, but there is so much on the line because we have a business together and our property is on the market for quite a tidy sum. Attorneys have advised that I not leave until that is taken care of. In the mean time, I have learned to charge neutral. I also do not think that it is fair for my daughter to be uprooted from her school and home because he refuses to leave. In short, I can’t believe that this is my life, but I know in my heart that this is not my fault. It has everything to do with him and very little to do with me. I learned that from your book. Thank you so much for all you do. You have no idea how I wait every day in anitcipation for your emails. Your book helped me to take control of a very out of control situation!!

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With: , , , ,

Infidelity, the Holidays and Transition

December 25, 2008 by Leave a Comment

I wish all of you a blessed Holiday Season, regardless of your religious/spiritual stance, nationality, race or position in your life journey at this moment in time.

You are moving. You are transitioning. You are evolving. You are growing. You are moving into your future, our future, and it is good.

Yes, the Holiday Season is a time for me to reflect on the transition, the change, the movement of life.

You see, life moves us along and if we balk at the idea of accepting and embracing that goodness which awaits us, somehow, in some way, life increases our anxiety or pain and in doing that we KNOW, at that moment, we truly DO want something better.

Those who feel the pain of infidelity most acutely are those who, at some level, want something different, want something better. Yes, you pained friends, look beneath your pain to see your determination, your fire and your desire! I bet you find it! And, you almost can’t stand it because you don’t have it now… it seems so far away.

And, I am convinced that that something better is waiting…. for all of us.

It is soooo close friends.

If infidelity is in your mix right now, this Holiday Season, and it feels like a giant cloud hanging over your life, what would happen if you see that infidelity as a glitch that is convincing you, at all levels of your being, that you truly do want something else.

You want love. You want companionship. You want honesty. You want trust. You want to laugh. You want to cry good tears. You want to feel life for everything it is and not run from it. And you would hope that at some day those you value most around you would share that exhilarating journey with you.

Maybe not now. But this too shall pass. It always does, you know! Because there is always something rich, wonderful, beautiful, uplifting awaiting you. And a part of you knows that, doesn’t it?

For me the Christmas Season is a time of birth and possibilities. Life teaches us that something new is born each day and yes, there is a journey which issues moments of confusion, pain and fear, but always, and I mean ALWAYS on the edge of that pain, fear and confusion is new birth, new discoveries, new doors which open to peace, joy discovery, wonderment and yes, birth.

It’s very close. It’s in your next moment.

Well, I feel a little rambling here. Just wanted to drop you a note today and let you know that I’m thinking about you.

Peace…. Again, this too shall pass!

Filed Under: Infidelity Help Tagged With:

Surviving Marital Infidelity: Shifts you Make

September 2, 2008 by 1 Comment

Surviving marital infidelity and extramarital affairs means you make shifts that move you away from that which doesn’t work and causes pain to that which works for you and your relationship and creates hope and positive feelings.

I’ve taken some responses from those who have used my E-course, “Killer Mistakes that Prolong the Affair and Your Agony,” and have made significant shifts to that enable them to survive the infidelity.

Here’s the question I ask:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Used a powerful skill:

Honestly what I got out of the book was ” Charging neutral”. That has helped when I see my husband getting frustrated and angry!

gave me strategies that help me to move faster and start working on myself instead of trying to fix everything.

Was able to move on from a destructive relationship:

For the first time in 23yrs of my so called marriage , i have filed for divorce and know that i made the right decision.i feel good about myself and know what i want from a marriage.I feel i`m in control of my life and the e-course just pointed out all the mistakes i made ,by trying to fix and work on my marriage.It is tiring and been dealing with affairs since the start of my marriage.I now know i cannot change my husband who refuses to go for help,thinking providing is all he must do in the marriage.

Inner Strength:

This course had made me stronger

Realized I’m not alone:

that im not alone, that im not crazy, and that all the “common sense” responses i have are just not going to work.

It has helped to clarify things and let me know that what I’m going through , so many others are to. It helps to know that I’m not alone

It’s his problem:

I have realized that the affair was HIS problem not mine. No matter how I tried to pry before He always said HE was the problem not me. Now I understand he might be telling the truth and it took a load off my chest.

Filed Under: Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , ,
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