Save Your Marriage: Seven Tactics that will Stop the Affair (Pt. 2)

So what are the seven tactics that will help you stop the affair? This second part of the two-part blog post will tell you the seven simple ways you can do to make sure that your husband or wife stops his or her affair, and save your marriage.

Doing these seven tactics to stop the affair will not be easy. The best way to proceed with this is to read through all of them, pick one that you think you will be most comfortable with and that you will be the easiest for you to try first. Once you’ve gotten that one down, try another tactic and practice it until you get comfortable with it. And continue going through the list one by one until you have all seven down to stop the affair.

Be happy, even if you have to fake it. Be a cheerful, positive person. Practice this attitude. Prepare yourself to behave this way, especially when you are around your husband or wife. If you aren’t feeling particularly cheerful or happy, then fake it. Act this way until you aren’t pretending any more. Act this way until you truly begin to feel happy and positive about your life again.

Do something. Find something you are interested in and do that. Discover new hobbies, new places, new activities. Go back to doing something you haven’t done in a long time. Rediscover some of the hobbies you’ve given up doing from your childhood. There are a lot of things you could try doing out there. Look for something you might like, and just do it. Getting your attention away from your husband  or wife’s infidelity is a simple way you can stop the affair.

Remember that no matter how hard things seem to be, or how much it seems that things will never be good again, remember that you will get through all this and that you will make it. Remind yourself of this every day. Every time you feel like everything is falling apart, tell yourself that you will be able to stop the affair and you will make it. When you feel the pain of your spouse’s affair, tell yourself that you will make it. Do not let yourself be defeated by something that is not your fault. Just remember those words: you will make it.

To stop the affair, when conversing with your husband or wife, make sure that your discussions are to-the-point, brief and direct. Discuss only the things that need to be addressed right at that moment, and do not go beyond that especially if he or she begins to talk about the drama of his or her affair, or how it is destroying him or her. When you can feel that your conversation is heading in that direction, firmly but calmly stop the affair conversation, say that you are not interested in discussing that certain topic and end the conversation.

Find the truth in what your spouse is saying and acknowledge it out loud. Don’t negate everything he or she says, especially if there is a little truth in it. The thing is to focus only on that little truth and acknowledge only that. This will help him or her see the truth in the things he or she is saying, as well. Your spouse will have a clearer view on the things he or she says, and will easily be able to identify which of it is the truth and which is not. This, in turn, will push towards the decision to stop the affair.

Make new friends, even that of the opposite sex. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, who will listen to you and be honest with you, and who you trust. Meeting new people is not a tactic for you to get your spouse jealous. Your husband or wife’s feelings have nothing to do with you making new friends. You are doing this for yourself, to have a wider social circle that you can have for support. Not to make him or her jealous as a tactic to stop the affair, nor as revenge for your spouse’s affair.

Get healthy. Take better care of your body and of your health. Exercise more, and eat right. Practice healthy habits. Being more healthy and feeling good in your own body will help you feel good about yourself more.

Which of these tactics are you most comfortable with?

Choose one and start with it before going through the rest of the seven tactics to stop the affair and save your marriage.

Revealing the Affair: Factors That You Must Consider

What are the things you should take into account before telling your partner about your infidelity?

There are plenty of people who have gone through affairs and do not know whether they should let their partners know about it or not. They are faced with making this decision by themselves. But when it comes to revealing an affair to your partner, whether it happened in the past or is still happening, making the decision is never just about whether to tell or not. There are more things that you need to consider before you can move forward, some of which may not even be so obvious.

It is not just your partner’s reaction to your having an affair that you should worry about because there could also be some serious consequences when you do not tell him or her.

Secrets have a way of cutting into relationships and creating suspicion and doubt. In relationships where secrets abound, both parties tend to be cautious especially when it comes to the things they talk about.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, you avoid talking about certain topics because you are afraid that it will lead to you being found out. But you should know that all you are bringing into your relationship is more lies, doubts, questions and suspicion. In most cases, it is this strain in your communication that destroys the relationship rather than the affair itself, regardless of whether or not the affair is revealed in the first place.

Voluntarily telling your partner about the affair doesn’t ensure that it will be less painful – it does not mean that at all. But it does allow you to have control over how you are going to say it and how your partner is going to find out rather than him or her finding out from someone else. This gives you the opportunity to reveal your affair in a way that will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger, and not just as a way for you to end your guilt. You must also be prepared to stay and listen to what your partner has to say about it and how he or she will react, whatever those reactions may turn out to be.

So, more than the decision of merely telling or not telling, consider also the why, when and how. Accept your faults and your consequences in the situation, and work towards creating a more open and honest communication that will strengthen your relationship.

Infidelity in Marriages: Getting Out of Being Stuck in the Middle

The 7th type of affair from the e-book Break Free from the Affair focuses a lot on the confusion that your partner brings into the situation.

“I want to be close to Someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” usually is marked by the confusion that results from your partner’s lack of certainty about what he wants to do, or which relationship he wants to pursue. This usually leaves both you and the other person stuck until your partner makes a decision, which is probably not going to happen any time soon, if it ever happens at all.

Your partner is confused because he doesn’t want to have the stability and comfort he gets from your marriage, but on the other hand, he wants to explore the other relationship as well because it gives him a kind of freedom that he doesn’t get from you. or maybe he doesn’t want to let go of the marriage because he sees it as a real and significant part of his life, but sees the other relationship to have the potential to be that as well.

Just like you and other person, your partner is stuck and doesn’t know which direction to take, so he ends up not moving at all. So rather than make an effort to think of He chooses to not choose between you and the other person because it is easier for him to do so.

It is important that you avoid getting stuck with your partner, or in case you already are, to get out of being stuck. The best way to do this is by identifying the things you want for you, apart from your partner and what he wants, and try to pick it apart and be specific about why you want these things. By doing so, you will learn a lot more about yourself and where you see yourself going in the future.