Affair Details: Reasons Why They Are Kept From You

When you discover that your partner is or was involved in an extramarital affair, it becomes important to you to know all the details you can find out about it. This is never as simple, though, as asking questions and your partner giving answers, especially if your partner is intent on keeping this information from you.

One of the most common reasons why the offending partner becomes tight-lipped about the details of the affair is because he is afraid of how you and even the other person would react. Your partner’s feelings depend greatly on how other people respond or react to him and his actions. So if he feels that you will respond in a negative way, or if he thinks that knowing the details will only hurt you, he would keep things to himself rather than share them with you.

Another possible reason why he keeps from opening up is the complete opposite of the first one – that is, he doesn’t care about your needs and only cares about his own. If your partner’s affair is of the “I don’t want to say no” type, he is usually too caught up in his own life and could not be bothered with your requests for answers and details.

Men and Counseling: Why Don’t They Mix?

It shouldn’t be a surprise to know that women are more open about going to counseling and therapy when trying to work on the marriage, especially after infidelity occurs. It is common knowledge that men aren’t really into talking a problem out and that they only go through it because they feel that they have to.

Here are some of the most common themes that reoccur in a lot of different cases:

1. Men usually keep things to themselves. They don’t talk about their problems or their feelings or their thoughts unless they feel they have to. They internalize, think about their problems and issues by themselves, and aren’t all that happy about having to share their feelings with others.

2. Men don’t over-analyze. They look at the problem as what it is, think of solutions to that problem, and execute that solution. If one solution doesn’t work, they try out another. They don’t see the point of going to counseling to find a solution when you can find the solution yourself.

3. Men tend to believe and stick to the notion that they are incapable of expressing their feelings and thoughts, which is what they think therapy and counseling is all about. They think that women are the experts on that area, and they don’t want to seem inadequate.

Do I Really Want to Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

Most people who discover that their partners are having, or used to have, an extramarital affair have a hard time deciding between staying in the marriage or leaving. Different people have reasons for staying or leaving.

The following are some of these reasons. Read on to see if any of these apply to you, and take some time to reflect on your situation.

Do I really want to stay in the marriage or…?

1. Am I afraid that I won’t be capable of getting out of the marriage? Am I scared of starting over? Of doing it all on my own? Will I be able to survive without my partner?

2. Am I doing it because I feel like my partner needs me? Maybe if I leave, he won’t be able to cope and will only get worse. Am I just staying to make things easier for him?

3. Am I afraid of what he might do? What if I confront him and tell him I’m leaving, and he hurts me? Or worse, what if he hurts the children?

4. Have I forgotten to think about myself? Have I forgotten about my wants and needs because of every other responsibility that I have to face? What are the hopes and desires and dreams I have that have nothing to with my partner?