Infidelity Decisions: What’s Best for the Kids?

It’s always a difficult decision to make, choosing between staying in a marriage and leaving it, when infidelity has been discovered or revealed. And it becomes an even more difficult when it’s not just you that you have to think about, but what’s best for you children as well.

The majority of couples who are going through this situation, much like yourself, have only one thing on their minds while thinking of what it is that they should do, which is to make a decision that will be best for everyone in the family as well as themselves.

Most of the time, parents hide their issues and troubles from their kids because they want to protect them from their marital problems, and they don’t want their kids to worry. And although this is done with the best of intentions, there is a possibility that it could backfire and leave your kids shocked upon hearing the truth about your relationship and the things that are happening in it.

In a lot of cases, though, kids prove to be very intuitive when it comes to their parents’ relationships. Even when parents hide their fights or troubles from their kids, the children still can sense when there is something wrong or that there is some tension between you and your partner. Although they may not have the details of what is wrong in your marriage, they can still feel that something is off and will avoid discussing it until you bring it up yourself.

How we make decisions in our lives differs from person to person, and when we’re stuck choosing between staying in and leaving a marriage, this holds even more true. What pushes one person to a decision is different from another and everyone has different motivations in doing so. In this particular situation, couples may decide to stay together out of guilt or a sense of loyalty, some may decide to leave the marriage because they are consumed by pain and betrayal.

In deciding whether or not to stay in the marriage after infidelity, the most important thing that you have to consider is still your children. Think about how it will make them fell, what they will learn from your decision and how it will affect them. Children are stronger than most people think, and how they will cope with what is happening in your marital relationship will depend on how you guide and help them get through it.

Staying in or leaving your marriage depends only on you and whether or not you will be able to forgive your partner’s infidelity and work on creating a stronger marriage. Yes, there are factors and people to consider in making this decision, but the final decision should be only yours to make.

When it comes to relationships, there are no guarantees that what you have is a sure thing. You can only find someone who will best complement who you are and work hard with that person to make things work even when the challenges are hard. Good and happy relationships don’t come easy. It takes a lot of work and effort that you and your partner must be able to handle. Show your children what it is like to love and what it takes to make it work because your children will look up to you and learn from your actions. Whatever decision you end up making, whether you stay in your marriage or not, make sure that you do it in a way that will show your kids the best example of love in action that you can.

Bad Advice: Using Jealousy to Fix a Marriage

Will it really help your marriage if you make your partner jealous, especially after infidelity?

There is plenty of relationship advice that can be found everywhere – books, TV, online, and many other places. And one of the worst pieces of advice that have been put out there is that jealousy can actually be good for a relationship, that it can help fix a marriage.

A few online advice sites and relationship blogs have published articles that gave out this very advice. One article even suggested that couples should make each other jealous on purpose on a regular basis because it will apparently keep the couple on their toes and add spice and a little excitement to the relationship. There is not much basis behind this particular piece of advice, but maybe what the author means is that he or she believes that it will make the relationship stronger somehow, or that it could be a good way in spicing up the relationship. But this is not a healthy way of achieving that, it  is actually the least bit healthy, especially if there’s been a bout of infidelity to consider.

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity shouldn’t include the negativity that jealousy brings. Building trust, love and great communication are foremost the most important things you should work on, as well as connection, honesty, passion, appreciation and integrity.

The only thing that jealousy will bring to your marriage is more problems and more issues, particularly if you do it on purpose. It can further destroy the trust that’s already been hurt by the affair, and could do irreparable damage to the marriage. So remember to think about the things you read, especially when it is on the internet because no matter how smart or right it sounds, it could actually do the opposite of what it claims to do.

Emotional Affairs: A Harmless Type of Affair?

What would you rather your partner’s affair would be? Would you rather that it was only about the sex? Or would you prefer that your partner had feelings for the other person?

“Are you in love with him or her?” That is usually the first question you ask your partner when you discover that he or she had an affair. Most people would dismiss sexless or emotional affairs like they’re nothing compared to physical affairs, but what would you rather hear your partner say – that it was only about sex or that he or she has developed feelings for another person?

When there’s no sex or physical intimacy involved in affairs, it’s somehow looked at as an unimportant and harmless event or mistake.

Sharing secrets, goals, problems, thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your spouse can only lead to trouble, and will most often lead to deeper feelings for the other person and probably even lead to physical intimacy eventually. You may not even notice that your friendship with this other person is getting deeper and deeper, and then all of a sudden you become attached to him or  her and forget all about your partner.

Most clients who have suffered going through emotional affairs are those who had the hardest time dealing with their partners’ betrayal. So, if you see yourself going through something like this or if you find that you are hiding a particular relationship with a person or anything else that you wouldn’t want your husband or wife to know about, it’s time for you to stop. Make an effort to stay away from this person, at least until you are certain that there is nothing going on other than friendship. Save your marriage.