What feels so empowering and freeing about contacting the other person is often the act of stating one’s position. Rare is the other person who will acknowledge or agree with that position, but that fact is often secondary.

If one prepares for a negative and hostile response and can imagine holding one’s own with that onslaught, the confrontation may hold promise.

This woman also found the media of email helpful.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

To get her to accept the fact that my husband chose to save the marriage. She lives in another country so I confronted her by email. I said that she must respect his wishes if she truly has or had feelings for him. And if she was such a very important person in his life, he would have chose her over me. Its time for her to back off and stop calling to reconnect with him. And the fact that he lied to her as well and made promises that he could not keep. And both of them lived in a fantasy that never would have had a good outcome. I said that you cannot build a new and healthy relationship on a broken marriage and a family had has been destroyed by infidelity. The foundation is full of lies and deceit and would eventually destroy the new relationship that started out of the affair. I also said that I do not know her and I do not know if she has her own motives for the affair. And that I was not willing to hand him over to her on a silver plate. Maybe she is using him? But I also said that if he did chose her I would have let him go. The fact that he did not showed me that the love he, claimed he had for her, was after all not deep enough to leave his marriage.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She kept on calling and sending emails. But eventually saw that he was not going to respond. She did email me and said that I can be very glad that she lives in another country because she knows that it will not work. And that my husband told her that she made him feel like he never in 20 yrs marriage felt with me. And that she was his true companion and a love like theirs will never be forgotten by either one of them. She said that if love like that happens to two people there are no boundaries because it happens once in a lifetime.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Would do it again. I expressed my feelings and hoped to get her to see it from my view point. It did not matter much if she did, she is going to believe what she wants anyway. But just maybe I said something that did. It was easy with emails cause I do not think that I would have been able to see her in person. Maybe later when my confidence has been restored I will be able to. I learned that people will believe whatever they want to to make them feel better. I think its easier for the ow to think my husband was madly in love with her and wanted to marry her. So she does not have to deal with the deceit and the lies. Sort of check of of reality, the fantasy is much better to believe. And makes her feel good about herself and me the enemy cause I separated them. But then again she might not be a person with value of morality.