Sexual Addiction: How Does it Cause Extramarital Affairs?

September 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

A kind of extramarital affair that is becoming more and more common is one related to sexual addiction. The one having the affair has a hard time saying no and instead, feels obligated to say yes when it comes to sex.

Although we all have our limits when it comes to affairs, and will, at some point, eventually say no and mean it, there are those who have a difficult time at doing so. Not because they want to continue the affair, but because they have a hard time saying no to it.

This is why sexual addiction and infidelity that is caused by it is very hard to fix, because it’s difficult to separate one from the other completely unless the addiction is addressed.

In this two-part article about the relationship between sexual addiction and infidelity, you will learn a few identifiers that will help you point out whether or not you should suspect sexual addiction as the cause of your partner’s infidelity, or if it is a different type of affair caused by other factors.

Here are some things that you should take note of:

1. The other person or persons are only seen as objects for personal gratification. Your partner does not develop a real relationship with him or her, and no true intimacy is developed. He or she is used merely for sex.

2. Your partner’s sexual addiction may have stemmed from an experience from childhood that he or she had a difficult time to cope with and hadn’t completely resolved yet – usually sexual abuse in some form.

3. Sex, to your partner, has a heightened role or value in your relationship. The need for sexual gratification is great and should be acted upon frequently. Also, other activities related to sex such as watching porn, going to strip clubs, or having multiple sexual partners is very common.

For more signs of sexual addiction, check back in a few days for the second part of this post.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Emotional Affairs: What Are the Clues?

September 6, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What do you need to watch out for when you suspect that your partner is having an emotional affair with someone?

The following is a compilation of information gathered from the comments on the newsletter received by our subscribers – men and women –  who have experienced and observed the changes in their partners as they went through emotional affairs, as well as from their emails and responses to the various articles and blogs posted on our website.

And here is what they had this to say about clues to emotional affairs:

1. My husband started coming home late a lot. (This is one of the most common clues of emotional affairs.)

2. Our sex life changed. It wasn’t what it used to be.

3. We started having fights and arguments over little things.

4. I noticed that she pulls away when I try to kiss her or touch her.

5. She started to make more of an effort with her appearance and clothing for work.

6. Another common clue of emotional affairs that almost everyone experienced: He would get phone calls late at night and he would always answer them in a different room. The calls usually lasted for hours.

7. He set up a password on his computer, and there were files that I couldn’t view.

8. My wife always had excuses to get out of the house, usually at nights and during the weekends.

9. He suddenly started to work more and more, or always had a work-related outing he had to go to.

10. I was shocked when he said all of a sudden that he “cares for me a lot but isn’t in love with me anymore.”

So have you experienced any of these things recently from your partner? Or is he or she doing something else that you just find odd? What other clues of emotional affairs can you add to the list that you think is important and that people have to watch out for? And what should you do when you notice these changes from your partner? Don’t hesitate to leave your comments or thoughts.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keeping Secrets: Why They Can Ruin a Marriage

September 4, 2012 by 1 Comment

Is it alright for you to be keeping secrets from your partner? In what instances or situations is it okay to do so? And in when is it not? Read on to see why secrets in a marriage can break the trust you’ve worked hard to build, and what you can do to fix it.

Keeping secrets from your partner, no matter how little you think they are, can be very damaging to your relationship. Which means that you have to be very, very careful about this.

Most of the time, your partner will be able to sense that you are keeping secrets, or at least something, from him or her anyway, and although he or she may not ask you directly what it is, there could be hints that will be sent your way asking you to divulge whatever it is that you are hiding. And the more you avoid answering or divulging what it is, the more your partner will suspect you of doing something wrong, and he or she will start losing trust in you.

Usually in extramarital affairs, what hurts your partner most is the fact that you betrayed his or her trust, kept things from him or her and lied constantly to cover things up. These things — the keeping of secrets — more than the fact that you had sex with another person, is what is most damaging for relationships.

But this does not mean that you have to talk about every single detail of your affair with your partner, that you have to describe in full detail what you and the other person did, where, when and how. No, it does not mean that at all. Your partner may ask you to reveal some details of the affair but you don’t have to be very specific about it.

What you need to do, though, is to resolve these things and find a way to forgive yourself because it’s the first thing you need to do before you can really move forward with your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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