If there is one key element in healing from the affair or infidelity in your marriage it’s arriving emotionally and mentally to the realization that you are Okay.
Knowing and feeling that you have value and worth, in extraordinary degrees, apart from your cheating husband or spouse, gives you the foundation to employ specific, targeted strategies that stand the best chance of healing from the affair and perhaps saving the marriage.
Read what this person says:
You validated so many of my feelings. I felt totally lost. Using the charge neutral method, I probably saved us from falling completely apart. I did feel more in control, and my husband (the cheater) actually didn’t know what to say or how to react. I also had to get rid of my anger as it was indeed very destructive. I don’t ever want to feel that bad again. By doing that, I am able to see things much more clearly, enjoy my children more, and cope with my husband better. He is nowhere near at my stage. We are probably the worst case scenario in your affair list. While we crossover into some of the others, the first one describes us the best. He has started to read some of the ebook materials, and is at least reading right now. It isn’t going to be easy, and I don’t know if it will work out. I love my husband, but I am definitely not in love with him right now. While I have to accept what he has done, I am definitely not ready to forgive him. Some days are good, some days I am rattled to my core. But remembering to continue to charge neutral, I survive much better and stay in control of me. I realize I must make changes in myself, but I cannot force him to change. I do feel more peace in myself, although that may sound crazy. We went away 3 days after I found out about the affair (after months of asking him), and that too probably kept us from coming completely apart. We had a scheduled family vacation, but went alone and left our children (20, 18, 15) home, which if nothing else was the best thing we could have ever done for them. They relied on each other, and didn’t have to see their Dad for a bit. I made him take responsibility and tell the kids what he had done. Honesty feels good, and we haven’t had much of that. We talked for hours on end while we were away, and actually had a good time. Sounds strange doesn’t it?! Unfortunately we had to come back to reality, but at least I see there may be something to save. Thanks for being on the web. I googled and found your sight and if I hadn’t-I know where I would be right now.