Surviving the Affair: Emotions and Blame

Surviving the affair after discovery means bumping into powerful, gut-wrenching feelings.

How does one cope with those feelings? From where does relief emerge?

I find the emotions stirred are often tied to the sense that “I am to blame for this. I am responsible for his/her affair. I didn’t do x y and z and now this.”

Moving through this myth helps decrease the pain of the feelings.

Read what some of my readers of “Break Free From the Affair” have to say:

It helped me understand my emotions and what decisions I needed to make to remove myself from the situation. It helped me stay away once I realized I was being blamed as the cause.

Well, I had no clue whatsoever about what to do, how to handle my emotions. The book has helped me to sort through my feelings and helped me to stop the mistakes I had already started to make. Am not sure if my marriage can be safe, but want to apply some points and see what happens. My husband is very much the category 7 and he is very proud….so I will see. I do not really want a divorce, but do know that things have to change, otherwise I do want a divorce!

I feel more empowered and less angry since figuring out what type of affair it is. It has allowed me to put strategies that work into effect as well as stop using destructive strategies.

I was able to exibit more self-control and do things that were potentially more helpful to rebuilding my marriage as oppose to hurting it.

Charging Neutral was a very helpful concept. Attempting to assess the type of affair(s) my husband might be in was also useful. I also participated in a completely unrelated work event around the same time that I was reading your material and was reminded that we each have the opportunity to rewrite our own script/story any time….and by rewriting my approach to my husband was able to renew our closeness enough to broach the subject of infidelity….so they worked hand in hand.