Consistency: Building Trust in Your Relationship

There is plenty of advice being put out there regarding building trust in your relationship. Most of it is true and helpful, but a lot of it won’t do you any good.

Here is one piece of advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent. A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, and they don’t want to be stuck in a rut. And although this is true enough in most situations, they also don’t want to be shocked or caught by surprise by sudden changes in your behavior all the time as well.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to expect or predict how you will react or respond to whatever situation that might go your way.

Sudden changes in your behavior – losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently – these things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening, and end up destroying the trust in your relationship.

You may think that being consistent means being predictable, which is something that everyone does not want to be. But consistent doesn’t always have to mean predictable, and predictable doesn’t always have to mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive, but be all of that consistently.

It may seem to be one of those “too good to be true, cure all” steps to fixing a marriage that you read everywhere all the time. And yes, it is such a simple answer to a complex issue, but it does work. Being consistent in the way you are when it comes to your husband or wife is one of the simplest ways that you can build and develop the trust in your relationship.

Letting Go of Infidelity Pain

Infidelity is not an easy thing to have to go through for anybody. You become so consumed with pain and hurt and betrayal that you start to feel like it will never get better. But it will.

Over the past two decades that clients have come in to talk about their infidelity crises, there is a common theme that occurs for those who finally let go of their pain and resentment, and move forward – that is, when they finally get an answer to that one question they’ve been asking themselves over and over again.

This question is the key to surviving an affair and eventually moving past it with relief and joy. Most of the time, you’re probable not even aware that you are asking it, or maybe you don’t even know what it is. This question isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. We all have different experiences and our situations are not the same, but there is always that one thing that we dwell on, whether consciously or not, and we just want to know.

It may take some time for you to realize what it is, probably around three to eighteen months, but when you do, it will feel like a fog has lifted and you will be able to take the next step in your life with confidence and certainty.

Affair Details: Reasons Why They Are Kept From You

When you discover that your partner is or was involved in an extramarital affair, it becomes important to you to know all the details you can find out about it. This is never as simple, though, as asking questions and your partner giving answers, especially if your partner is intent on keeping this information from you.

One of the most common reasons why the offending partner becomes tight-lipped about the details of the affair is because he is afraid of how you and even the other person would react. Your partner’s feelings depend greatly on how other people respond or react to him and his actions. So if he feels that you will respond in a negative way, or if he thinks that knowing the details will only hurt you, he would keep things to himself rather than share them with you.

Another possible reason why he keeps from opening up is the complete opposite of the first one – that is, he doesn’t care about your needs and only cares about his own. If your partner’s affair is of the “I don’t want to say no” type, he is usually too caught up in his own life and could not be bothered with your requests for answers and details.