Do you ever feel like there is a chasm between you and your spouse? There is a distance and it seems as if you live with a stranger.
There is tension. You feel it. It stabs you or it’s like an annoying background noise that won’t go away. You think through, measure and rehearse what you want to say and decide to say it – carefully – or withhold and it simmers. You are polite, but it drips with the taste of vinegar.
Or, the two of you attempt to raise the “issues” but hit a brick wall. Ka-thud! It goes nowhere. Defenses, explanations, vagueness, attacks subtle and not so subtle, rolling eyes or whatever send both crashing into the immoveable impasse.
Or, conversation sets off the swirl. The conversation and feelings slide down the slippery slope of predictable and familiar frustration and pain. Each knows what the other will say before it is said. The script, drama or melodrama is played out – again! Been there – done that!
Please understand that this happens in all relationships to one degree or another. None is immune. For those of you attempting to rebuild after infidelity, I need you to understand that where there is a relationship of mutual, intense emotional investment, the wall will emerge, tension prevail and the swirl will occur. You are not alone.
Let’s take a look at why this happens. Perhaps this will reinforce the fact that you are “normal” and give you the impetus to stick with it.
1. We lack adequate models for effective communication in a relationship of high emotional investment. Being in such a relationship is the most difficult task we are asked to accomplish in our life time. No one does it perfectly or close to that. (Some may appear to have a perfect, if not good, marriage, but be wary of perfection. It doesn’t exist.)
2. We are exposed to toxic relationships as a child. The pain, tension, confusion and fear is locked into our body and is difficult to heal and eradicate. We tend to replicate such relationships. (Maybe we are continually offered an opportunity to “get it right.”)
3. We talk and express ourselves tentatively and in generalities. Generalities leave room for mind reading on the part of your spouse and that can be extremely dangerous. Your spouse will filter your generalities to fit his/her preconceived ideas of who you are or who you should be for him/her.
4. We don’t take a stand. Instead we attempt to elicit from the other what he or she is thinking, feeling, wanting, needing etc. We go “fishing” for assurance, affirmation or information to make meet our needs or preconceived ideas. The spouse often resents the “intrusion” and at one level wonders, “What is he/she after?” As well, the fishing is often interpreted as a disguised form of criticism (I’m obviously not enough or doing enough for him/her.)
I’m working on the expectations we might have for a love relationship. More on that topic is coming…
#4 really spoke to me. I do feel like I am fishing often for things I need to hear. He takes this as a test, a test of him saying the right or wrong thing. It’s hard to be in these shoes of needing to hear that it isn’t your fault and wanting the reassurance to be given without you asking.
I could state this and that. I could state “pity me on this” and “pity me on that.” I could threaten the spouse or the OP (Other Person) with this or that. BUT… on thing is clear… LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!!
My advice is four things:
ONE) Do NOT compare yourselves with one another. Excuses here and excuses there, we all have needs. Not being able to express those needs and wants is the hardest part. We do not all grow up exactly the same way. With each of our personalities, some personalities conflict more than others.
TWO) Forgive and forget and move on. If you offended the other spouse with your affair, pacify them with a gift(s) and if not, you may be paying them with 50% of everything you own if a divorce is filed. If are offended and have not forgiven them, tell the other spouse to keep asking forgiveness until you finally say “stop”–this insures they have totally turned away and are expressing deeply renewed commitment from their heart. This builds trust again and are truely sorrowful. Constant communication, if nothing else, it should be “I am sorry,” over and over. The hurt stabs like a deep wound, if the other spouse had “let the sun go down upon their wrath.” Do not go to sleep on your anger!
THREE) “Love your spouse with all of your heart, with all of your mind, and with all of your soul.” That means think of the daily and make them know and fell that you do. “Treat them as you want to be treated.” Speak upfront who you really are and and your defects without excuses. Stand up and confess. Suck up that pride, even the Bible says, “God hates pride.” Try to be equal and not better than the other. Dont play bulliness games. Dont overpower with walls and barriers to protect from feeling hurt, thus critisize and put down. Level the playing field because, “upfront honesty is more appreciated than anything.” Speak upfront all your wants and desires from your heart. Dont belittle the other because your needs arent meet. Openly and loving disagree with them by “saying the truth in love”. Being upfront and honest about everything is better than saying you secretly love them. They need to know everything, even if it hurts them, as long as you say in love and are “slow to speak, and swift to hear.”
FOUR) Set rules and boundaries. Take a stand, make yourself happy. Tell them what it takes to make you happy–DONT DEMAND as you are better and spouse is lesser. Find your needs that are’nt meet and talk about it. Express what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, and needed. Reassure each other. Reflag and retag your life. Don’t compare your marriage with others. Inform you intents to the other. Keep yourself straight, dont be tempted to do stupid things. Be informed of your needs and talk to your closest friend and be reassured you are important. Express your goals as if you were to be married for the first time, “play house” so to speak–“I want to do this… I want to do that… I want to go here… I want to experience this… etc. Discover what you are after and make your requests known! Fish around what others do to keep themselves happy. Goals and vows have to make the mark, go and make them happen with or without the other. Tell others no matter what, you are going to be faithful to do what are setting out to do no matter what. Take a stand and be proud you are somebody out to make a difference.
I identify strongly with #4 and with Becky’s comments. One almost has a script in mind of what the other could/should say/do to ‘make everything all right again’. But it is never enough and the words are disqualified the moment you ask the other person to say them. It is almost ‘magical thinking’ and definitely childish and ineffective. It is far more powerful to give the other the space to express his/her recommitment to the relationship in his/her own time and in his/her own words and actions ( these may relate to the “16 ways you know that he/she is really changing”). You may be surprised to discover how much more powerful his own words/action are compared to anything you had scripted for him/her. ‘He is who is he is’ and ‘you are you who you are’… that is what attracted you to each other in the first place … allow for those differences and the relationship is allowed to blossom.
I really like Richard’s advice. Unfortunately my husband isn’t reading it, I am. If he were doing all the things that Richard suggested, I wouldn’t feel the need to fish. I have stopped fishing and don’t even like to talk anymore because all I get are criticisms and excuses. He is still angry and defensive, not sorry at all. His affair has been going on for over a year and a half. I have 3 children and don’t want to rip our lives apart. Each time he’s been caught, he’s sworn it was over and he loves me and doesn’t want her, but then weeks later his behavior changes from loving to mean. I do believe that marriages can recover from affairs and grow even stronger. His affair showed me my shortcomings in my marriage. Unfortunately, no recovery can be made if the affair never ends and I believe that the best indication of that is in the attitude and good communication cannot exist if the other person is still between you.
In response to June. I agree with your last statement. NO RECOVERY can be made if the affair never ends. Also, as in my case. My husband says their never was, denies….but I caught him and her red handed. She happens to be his secretary and is still in the picture, he says he doesn’t have the power to replace her, his boss can only do that. I laughed at that one. Unfortunately, she’s still in the picture and always will be. So there will never be closure until that happens. He says her husband said, he didn’t believe it, and would not listen to my “BS”. He just didn’t want to hear it. So life goes on and I am not willing to give up 25 years of marriage and destroy my family over her. I will not just hand him to her without a fight. Unfortunately for her he isn’t willing to give it all up, financially, for her. So she really isn’t worth as much as she thinks she is. I have just moved on with my life and live with the fact he see’s and talks to her 8-9 hours daily in an office alone. You do what you have to do.
June…
Thank you. I understand. The fact that he is angry and defensive is the way to play denial and not get in touch with his feelings, thus to not feel the guilt–a “detaching” of his emotions for you. He shows no will to “bond” with you at this time. Remember, his needs are being meet without you. Ask him to be all upfront about all his hearts desires, even if it hurts your feelings. Let it off his chest. If he shows no interest in laughter or bonding, even in body language, that is bulliness. Stay tuned…. I WILL POST MY ARTICLE ON BULLINESS!! This will pull it all together for you!
Lin…
Feeling the most secure and hoping mistrust will not be an issue again, for recovery… is the hardest when the continual bombardment of communication of the other person is still playing out. I KNOW!! My spouse’s other person lives almost next door! They talk constantly until I threatened to tell the other person’s spouse. Later, my wife wanted to go back just for the friendship on a visit after dark. I gave stern instructions, only if the other male lover ASKED me for permission 24 hours in advance!! This way, using reverse logic, I’d likewise would make plans to go visit the opposite sex. The wife knew right then she risk losing me if I began bonding with another woman. I had no specific woman in mind, but she knew I was looking on swinger websites after she confessed to the affair. I plan to write a book on swinging–the truth of. I’ve already written one book about the human personality.
Why is it so hard to talk? Because the best way to block his or her’s emotions to play the “bully!” The opposite of bonding, is friction. The opposite of laughter, is anger. Constant anger manifested is simply unforgiveness. If one is constantly “easily offended,” they are playing the role of “THE BULLY!”
Here’s my article promised to June
THE BULLYING SPOUSE
By: Richard Jones
Altered from:
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/problems/bullies.html
Bullying is a big deal. Bullying has everyone worried, not just the victum on its receiving end.
Authorities such as in-laws or parents, the children’s teachers, and other family adult friends
don’t always see it, they may not understand how extreme bullying can get.
The bullying spouse picks on the other spouse over and over again. They may use in-laws or their
friends against them withholding benefit(s) the victum spouse wants from them. For some, the number
one benefit witheld, is affection and affirmation and appreciation. This gives the bully and their
group more power, either in terms of physical strength or social standing. Two of the main reasons
people are bullied are because of appearance and social status. Bullying spouses may pick on their
kids, on the ones they think don’t fit in, maybe because of how they look, how they act (especially
the shy and withdrawn). The bully might especially target you for your race or religion, or
because you might had mentioned a attraction towards gay or lesbianism.
Some spouses attack their targets physically, which can mean anything from shoving or tripping to
punching or hitting or even sexual assault or rape. Thus, the true meaning for the word “Bitch,”
portrays the one using psychological control or verbal insults to put themselves in charge. For
example, at church or with swinging couples at a group meeting or cliques often bully people they
categorize as different by excluding them or gossiping about them (psychological bullying). They
may also taunt or tease their targets (verbal bullying). Perhaps insinuating a promised benefit,
yet never deliver that to fruitation. Verbal bullying can also involve sending cruel instant or
email messages or even posting insults about a person on a website – practices that are known as
cyberbullying.
One of the most painful aspects of bullying is its relentlessness. The seemingly never-ending
nature of bullying can put a person in a state of constant fear, and spouses who are bullied may
find their employment and health suffering. Carla began having stomach pains and diarrhea and was
diagnosed with a digestive condition called irritable bowel syndrome as a result of the stress that
came from being bullied by her first husband Mike. Richard spent his workdays hungry and unable to
concentrate at his job because he was too afraid to take control and go out to eat for fear of
being accused of cheating, or pack his lunch before leaving for work for fear of being accused of
making a mess.
Studies show that people who are abused by their peers in school as a child, marry in their adult
life and carry with them baggage of mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety. They
may also think about suicide more. Bullies are at risk for problems, too. Bullying is violence,
and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully carries their patterns in the marriage. As
many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they are 30.
Some teen bullies end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older.
Bullies may also fail in school and not have the career or relationship success that other people
enjoy.
Who Bullies?
Both wives and husbands can be bullies. Bullies may be outgoing and aggressive. Or a bully can
appear reserved on the surface, but may try to manipulate people in subtle, deceptive ways, like
anonymously starting a damaging rumor with their parents or with the in-laws just to see what
happens.
Many bullying spouses share some common characteristics. They like to dominate the other or the
children and are generally focused on themselves. Many turn bi-polar and never go out of their way
to please the other spouse. They often have poor social skills and poor social judgment. If they
are a bubbly personality, they limit their friendships to a elite few and discourage the family
from expanding to more friendships to weaken the other spouse’s sense of worth.
Although most spousal bullies think they’re hot stuff (example – God’s gift to women) and have the
right to push people around, others are actually insecure. They gossip against their ex-spouses or
put their spouses’ friends down to make themselves feel more interesting or powerful. And some
bullies act the way they do because they’ve been hurt within a past marriage by their past bullying
spouse – maybe even a bullying figure in their own family, like a parent or other adult.
Some bullies actually have personality disorders that don’t allow them to understand normal social
emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse. All to common for a bullying spouse is do in
fact commit adultry. These people need help from a mental health professional like a psychiatrist
or psychologist and accuse the other spouse that “they” are crazy.
What Can You Do?
For the children, the best way to solve a bullying parent is to tell a teacher or other adult. For
teens, the tell-an-adult approach depends on the bullying situation. One situation in which it is
vital to report bullying is if it threatens to lead to physical danger and harm. Numerous high
schoolers have died when stalking, threats, and attacks went unreported and the silence gave the
bully license to become more and more violent. Adults in positions of authority – parents,
teachers, or coaches – can often find ways to resolve dangerous bullying problems without the bully
ever finding out how they came to know about it.
If you’re in a bullying situation that you think may escalate into physical violence, try to avoid
being alone (and if you have a friend in this situation, spend as much time as you can with him or
her). Try to remain with them by driving or following them home at the same time as or showing up
during the times that the bullying takes place.
What if the Bullying Spouse is Cheating?
When you finally change to making the bullying or cheating spouse responsible for their own actions
and choices, and voiced that there will come a point that you will not tolerate it any longer and
that you will make changes and decisions on your own, they gradually stop talking to their lover
altogether to include avoiding their lover on their own.
Why Feed the Fire?
Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying. They’re also good tips
to share with a friend as a way to show your support:
Ignore the bully and walk away. Do not feed your spouse with anger for anger because if you imitate
them, you are just like them. They are looking for a weakness, and if you react in anger, that
makes them feel less guiltier. Not losing your temper is sometimes harder than losing your temper.
Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away, or ignore hurtful phone calls,
emails or instant messages, you’re telling the angry spouse that you are not controlled. They may
claim, “you just don’t care.” Sooner or later the bullying spouse will probably get bored with
trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a
message that you’re not vulnerable. The bullying spouse might withold your most beloved benefit to
manipulate you, such as sex — who cares? And if the bullying spouse used an affair to hurt you,
why mimic them and do the same? Why show them it got to you and perform as they did to try to hurt
them back? Forgiveness is a fruit of love, and the Bible says, “love conquers all.”
Hold the anger. Who doesn’t want to get really upset with a bully? But that’s exactly the response
he or she is trying to get. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions, that’s how
they fell less guilty – its a issue of ego or pride over you. If you’re in a situation where you
have to deal with a bully and can’t walk away with poise, use humor – it can throw the bully off
guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or productive work.
Don’t get physical. However you choose to deal with a bully, don’t use physical force (like
kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, you can never be sure what the
bully will do in response. Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or
friend – anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears
and frustrations that can build when you’re being bullied. Find your (true) friends. If you’ve been
bullied with mean rumors or gossip, all of the above tips (especially ignoring and not reacting)
can apply. But take it one step further to help ease feelings of hurt and isolation. Find one or
two true friends and confide that mean gossip has hurt your feelings. Set the record straight by
telling your friends quietly and confidently what’s true and not true about you. Hearing a friend
say, “I know the rumor’s not true. I didn’t pay attention to it,” can help you realize that most of
the time people see gossip for what it is – petty, rude, and immature.
What If You’re the Bully?
All of us have to deal with a lot of difficult situations and emotions. For some people, when
they’re feeling stressed, angry, or frustrated, picking on someone else can be a quick escape – it
takes the attention away from them and their problems. Some bullies learn from firsthand
experience. Perhaps name-calling, put-downs, or physical force are the norms in their families.
Whatever the reason, though, it’s no excuse for being the bully.
If you find it hard to resist the temptation to bully, you might want to talk with someone you look
up to. Try to think about how others feel when you tease or hurt them. If you have trouble figuring
this out (many people who bully do), you might ask someone else to help you think of the other
person’s side.
Bullying behavior backfires and makes everyone feel miserable – even the bullies. People might feel
intimidated by bullies, but they don’t respect them. If you would rather that people see your
strength and character – even look up to you as a leader – find a way to use your power for
something positive, rather than to put others down.
Do you really want people to think of you as unkind, abusive, and mean? It’s never too late to
change, although changing a pattern of bullying might seem difficult at first. Ask an adult you
respect for some mentoring or coaching on how you could change.
Steps to Stop Bullying in the Family
If the environment in your family supports bullying, working to change it can help. For example,
there may be areas where your spouse harasses your friends, such as screaming over the room when
you are on the phone with them. A bullying spouse may inflict pain and agnonize you by calling
their lover in the same house while you are in the same room listening causing you to feel misery.
Because a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers (the bully wants to be recognized and
feel powerful, after all), enlisting the help of friends, co-workers or a church group is a good
way to change the culture and stand up to bullies.
Point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable and no way to treat another person.
This can work well in group situations, such as if you notice that a member of your group has
started to pick on or shun another member.
Most people hesitate to speak out because it can be hard. It takes confidence to stand up to a
bully – especially if he or she is one of the established group leaders. But chances are the other
friends, family members or co-workers witnessing the bullying behavior feel as uncomfortable as you
do. They may just not be speaking up. Perhaps they feel they’re not popular enough to take a stand,
or they may worry that they’re vulnerable and the bully will turn on them. Staying quiet (even
though they don’t like the bully’s behavior) is a way to distance themselves from the person who is
the target. When this happens, the bully’s reach is extending beyond just one person; he or she is
managing to intimidate several members of a group. But when one person speaks out against a bully,
the reverse happens. It gives others license to add their support and take a stand, too.
Another way to combat bullying is to join your local domestic violence organization or your
school’s antiviolence program or, if your local school doesn’t have one, to start one of your own.
I ruptured 3 discs in my back in 2001. I would stay up alot of nights instead of going to bed and tossing and turning keeping him up because he had to work the next morning. He worked long hours and when he came home once he sat down in the recliner, it wasn’t long and he was sleeping. When I did try to talk to him I just felt that he wasn’t listening to me so when he would go to sleep, I got on my computer. Well he would wake up and I would be on this silly thing so he would just go to bed.
Well about 2 years after I had my back problems, my husband had a real bad anxiety attack and ended up in the hospital over it. I had no idea what to expect out of him but I was mad that he got sick and couldn’t help me with anything. On the other hand I was scared because I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I had no idea what he might be capable of or how he would react to anything. I would try to talk to him about our boys and the problems that they were having and he told me he didn’t want to hear it so I would just shut up. Well this relationship went on for about two years. I asked him one night when we went to bed if he had a girlfriend because he just wasn’t acting right. He told me “no” but also said that if I didn’t start treating him better that he was going to get one. The only thing is I had no idea that he actually meant it. He never tried to talk to me at any other time about how he was feeling or anything else and I was clueless.
Well the fall of 2004 he met a woman who was married to a man who is 23 years her senior. Talk about a generation gap!!!!!!! She apparently had lost a son to an overdose just before she and my husband met. She told my husband that her husband wasn’t compassionate towards her loss and had no sympathy for her. So she used my husband in that regards but he also used her saying that I treated him badly by not paying any attention to him. That’s all it took for them to start seeing each other. Each one of them was on a damn self pity trip and wanted the other to feel sorry for them. And it worked!!!
Well my husband told me that he was going to move out of our house because he couldn’t stand to stay here and put up with the problems our boys had. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he immediately said “NO”. Well about 3 weeks after that he finally admitted to me that he had been “talking” to a woman and she really cared about him. Told me about her son overdosing and I asked him what that had to do with me. Don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry for anybody that has to bury one of their kids but why should I feel sorry for a woman that was involved with my husband. Well he did move out and his girlfriend moved in with him the same night that he left our house. I found out where they were living and stopped by there one morning after I got out of work. My husband and I went for a ride and I asked him if we could try to work things out and he went back and told his gal. I want you to know that I’m trying to be nice here. She moved out that afternoon and I started staying with him. We would argue about her calling him and him calling her. She would call every Friday night knowing that I was there. When I would explode my husband would say “don’t you think she’s just doing that to get to you”. Well he finally had his phone number changed but the way he acted I knew that they were still talking and probably seeing each other. You see he had a company phone in the truck that he drove that was with the same carrier that his personal phone and hers were with. Up until he had his number changed he wouldn’t let me see his phone bill. Then when he did start showing it to me he just had a real smirk on his face so I asked him if he thought I was stupid. He kept telling me that it was over with them and he hadn’t talked to her in months. But you know something just didn’t “feel” right. I asked him to get a copy of the truck phone and he told me that he wasn’t putting himself through that. Well I knew then that he was still talking to her. Every fight that we got in was over his damn phone and him talking to her.
Well in November of 2005 the company changed phone carriers and I didn’t see his bill for the month of December because we were moving back home and I didn’t think about it really. I had told him that if we were moving home that it was going to be him and me not him, his girlfriend and me. He kept reassuring me that he hadn’t talked to her in months. Even though her number hadn’t been on his bill I still had alot of doubt. We had a big fight the same week that we moved back home but he still would not admit to talking to her. So when I realized that I hadn’t seen his bill for December and remembered that the company changed phone carriers I got on the internet and looked up his phone bill.(Yes, I had his phone account on the computer so I could look at it anytime that I wanted to without him knowing). So when I looked it up I seen where he had talked to her just a few days before we moved home and a couple of days after we moved home. So I exploded. I still didn’t tell him that I seen it with my own eyes and he kept denying the fact that they were still talking. I waited until January’s bill and I looked it up again. He talked to her 69 times in the month of December. I don’t really know which was worse the anger or the hurt. I felt just like someone had stuck a knife in my heart, AGAIN! I waited until the February bill came and looked at it again. He still talked to her in January and I found this out around Valentine Day. He gave me a crystal with a saying on it— Life without Love is like a summer without sunshine. And yes, I gave him a copy of his phone bills for the past three months. First I gave him the opportunity to admit what he had been doing and when he didn’t I was mad all over again so I went and got the copy of his past three months bills showing how many times that he had called her and asked him if he wanted to recant his story. I asked him why he continued talking to her and his reply was, she has a lot of problems and just wanted to talk. Well I don’t believe that for one minute. She wasn’t happy with her 72 year old husband and wanted mine, that’s what her problem was. I guess it’s needless to say that I told him to move out again. He did in March of this year but we still have continued talking but when she was the topic of our conversations, which she was alot, he told me that I just couldn’t leave it alone. He said he told me that I would never forgive him for what he done and if I would’ve just left things alone it was about over. Well you know, I couldn’t leave it alone. I don’t understand why it takes almost two years to get rid of someone that you haven’t known for very long verses getting rid of your wife of 39 years. Every time that I tried talking to him about this he would say “well here we go again”. He said he told me everything he was going to tell me and for me to want to know anything else was sick. All I wanted to know is why he felt the need to continue his conversations with her. Then he said that he couldn’t be that cold hearted to just refuse to answer her calls or not to call her back when she wanted him to because she has problems and needed to talk. I told him that there was professional people for her problems that he should know because he seen one of the quacks every three months still.
Come to find out his phsychiatrist had told him to move out but not to file for a divorce or anything but to get legal things taken care of. So we done the credit card thing, getting my name off of his and his off of mine. When he first told me about his moving out because of the boys, I was willing to help him in every way that I could. But when I found out he had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t help him do anything. He still deny’s moving out because he met that woman but I don’t think he would have moved out at all if it hadn’t been for her.
But after almost two years of dealing with another woman, I guess we are going through with the divorce. He won’t do anything to prove to me that he’s not still talking to this witch and I damn sure can’t believe anything he tells me. I told him that he would have to do alot to get me to ever trust him again and he told me that he didn’t have to prove anything to me. So two bulls are bumping heads over this. I won’t back down this time. I told him that it wasn’t going to be just his way this time. Yes, I was only 16 years old when we got married and he’s always been “boss” and he can’t stand the thoughts of me standing up for what I think is right.
The irony of all of this is my husband never wanted me working or anything. He told me that he wanted me to stay home and raise the kids so I did. I went to work at a casino and he got mad saying that they had a bad reputation for infidelity and didn’t want me working down there. He was very jealous of me and didn’t really want me working anywhere there was men employed. He always accused me of having a boyfriend at any of the other jobs that I had if I was 10 minutes later than he thought I should be getting home from work. He has even came to my work place to see if I was still there and what I was doing. Huh, I guess I’m the one who should’ve been a little concerned because he is a truck driver and everybody knows their reputation!!!!!!!!!
So women beware, if you have a controlling husband that accuses you…….start taking notes. My mother always told me if a man accuses you of having an affair they are the ones that are usually doing it. Good Luck in all you try to do!!