Where does this come from? – a common reaction to someone facing a “My Marriage Made Me Do It” affair. Please read Brenda’s comments as she reflects on her struggle with this kind of affair:

I do NOT read for pleasure – I am NOT a reader (only for requirements professionally and academically).

HOWEVER I did get through “Break Free From the Affair” in a day – wish I had it 2 years ago (or more).

Even the details of the timing and the ‘activity’ or ‘behaviour’ of me was bang on.

My ex left at Christmas in 2005 – I started seeing my psychologist within about 1-2 months.

He heard a very detailed story like Affair #1 – My marriage made me do it – and he mentioned at the time that he never had a patient so clearly describe the downward spiral of a marriage, the emotional and verbal abuse, etc. (and the magical thinking that occured – especially after he left)

Your book, in combination of another one (can’t remember the specific name – I think … “not just friends’), whereby it specifically talks about the spouse feeling like they are betraying their ’emotional affair person or OP” when they are intimate with their spouse – BUT did NOT feel that their emotional affair was betraying the spouse was amazing!!

With fewer than 1/2 dozen instances of physical intimacy per year over the last 3-4 years of the marriage (while their emotional affair built up – because he fostered her through her divorce for 2 years), the vile hatred and contempt that my ex expressed/directed at me was unbelievable and always within an hour of that encounter – that knowledge years ago might have been nice! :-) and you are right REGARDLESS of what I did, offered to do, and complied with his requests to make changes in my behaviours or actions, he became worse.

I was finally glad to read the statistics from (ahh, can’t remember the female docs name) regarding the 4,100 male executives and only 3% of them having affairs married their affaired partner / mistress (and the work / details of Dr. Pittman’s work revealing / detailing the 5 factors that caused those couples that marry, when it started in an affair – WHY their relationship ultimately ends) BUT your book seemed a bit ‘more promising for them’ ….. (meaning well more than a 3% chance that they will marry)

That while the OP is the SAVIOUR, that ‘perfect world and perfect relationship’ actually does deteriorate.

Just wish I had all these details, facts (I love statistics) and the reasoning as to WHY (just like you knew the marraige was 8-9 likely to end), when people do this it doesn’t work so well (and the life they thought would be so much better IF it just weren’t because their life was ruined by their spouse – and had they only met their saviour earlier in life – their life would have been perfect because of this perfect soul mate).

I have a hard time believing that it breaks down the same way – when this person starts out as a ‘perfect saviour’ – it must have a somewhat different course (especially because the affair starts in a lie, while the marriage was NOT based upon ‘secretive and or forbidden meetings’ like theirs).

I would very much appreciate getting the more specific details of the ‘course of the affaired relationship’ HOW and in what timeframe does that relationship start to fray ????

Most sincerely, and THANK YOU

Brenda