Denial or refusal to face the truth is a strong characteristic of the “I Can’t Say No” type of affair.
Over time one sees that the denial becomes stronger and the acting out behavior becomes more frequent with more dire consequences (that, again, are ignored.) The impact of infidelity and betrayal at this point can be profound.
Confronting the other person, or persons in this case, may help one gather the truth.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
To find out who they were. How they knew my partner.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
Several were hookers, (I later found out). Others were dates from the internet and they told me the truth.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
No. I felt better after I talked to the women. My partner tried to lie and I told him I already knew, then later he admitted it was true. I learned the truth by calling them. If I had not then I would have always wondered what the truth was.
Coach’s Comments:
Confronting the other person, or persons, often leads to the truth in the “I Can’t Say No” type of affair.
Why? Because these relationships hold little emotional investment. The OP feels no particular loyalty to the cheating spouse. The degree of emotional separation also may be an indicator of how far along the cheating spouse is in terms of his/her addiction.
The next step for the above spouse is to use her information to confront her husband, with the intent of breaking through the denial – which happened.
Following that break through, it would be hoped that he seek some sort of treatment or at least begin to acknowledge the magnitude of his problem and find paths to cope and survive the infidelity.
My boyfriend of eight years is a sex addict but, in severe denial. He has devistated our relationship, probably beyond repair and denies the cause and effects of his behavior. He has lead me trails of deceite and lies. When the truth is revealed he minimizes everything and acuses me of overreacting. At this point he refuses help and the relationship is most likely over. He is in a sevee depression and has no relationships with family or friends. He internalizes everything and talks very little. His most recent behaviore was that he puchased a cologne for 150.00 that was comprised of exyticine, pheramones, and hormones. It is called Liquid Trust. It promisses to make the lady’s unknowingly flock to you and want to trust you and have sex with you. He was wearing it for two months. I asked repeatedly what he was wearing because it was making me sick and he said nothing he didn’t know what I was talking about. I began to think that the smell was the other woman and confronted him. He said he did not know what I was talking about. He bought this specifically for work. The people at work started complaining that it smelled like someone had a blatter infection. When the truth came out he said he bout the Liquid Trust so I and others would trust him again but, then he kept lying to me about it, in contradistion of any desire to have someone trust you. He now say’s that it also helps depression which I looked it up and it does not make any such claims. He has icolated himself emotionally/sexually from me by his behavior and embarassed himself with this most recent stunt but is so deep in denial he has made himself believe that this is absolutley normal behaviore. Do you have any suggestions.