Infidelity Q&A #16: What Is My Strategy?

After you calm and center yourself it’s time to explore the different types of

Knowing the types of affairs enable you to become familiar with the dynamics of the
relationship with your cheating husband or your cheating wife.

Different strategies exist for a particular kind of affair.

You may be looking at more than one type of affair, but choose the affair that seems
most fitting for your particular relationship.

Choose a strategy and begin experimenting.

Take small steps. Don’t throw out everything at once, but take very small steps and
wait for the response.

When you get feedback, take another step.

For example, let’s look at the affair, “I Want to Get Back at Him or Her.”

This affair usually exhibits a simmering resentment and anger that sometimes moves
to rage.

In that type of affair an often effective strategy is to make his or her anger right.

Now it may seem rather weird to make his or her resentment or anger right, but that
strategy is important for that type of affair.

The strategy helps him or her move through the resentment and/or rage and influences
the direction of the adultery or the affair.

Let’s look at “My Marriage Made Me Do It.”

In “My Marriage Made Me Do It” there’s also anger, but it’s a different type of anger.

Backing off is a recommended strategy.

In backing off you refuse to become the victim. You refuse to be the recipient of
his or her blame.

And then you make comments — or meta comments as I call them — about the situation
or about the relationship.

Break Free From the Affair gives examples of meta comments you can use. You can
modify the statements to fit your style or create you own.

Let’s look at another kind of affair, “I Want To Be Close To Someone, But Can’t
Stand Intimacy.”

In a stagnant marriage or relationship, the cheating partner will triangle in a
third party to balance the issue of distance and intimacy.

I recommend a strategy in this particular kind of affair is called “Leaping Your
Partner,” in which you break through the stagnation and the impasse between this
distance and intimacy wall by personally and professionally taking your own leap of

This often is highly disturbing to the cheating spouse and disturbs the relationship
and offers hope for reconciliation and growth.

The key is experimentation. Choose and experiment with different kinds of strategies
related to the kind of affair that faces you.


  1. Hello,

    I have a question about the “leaping your partner” strategy in which you break through the stagnation and the impasse between this distance and intimacy. How do you go about breaking through the stagnation and the impasse between distance and intimacy? Can you elborate on what you own leap of growth is?


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